Secret Shame
There is the whole alcoholism, drug addiction tale of woe. *sigh* Debt, health problems, clinical depression, a very dodgy relationship, casual sex, alienation of friends of family. General life fuck-up-age. Nasty detox, 9 months residential rehab...etc etc. Job's a good 'un!

I still smoke, and have a wallet-bashing Blue Hawaiian habit (that's coffee, not some new-fangled narcotic)

However. My secret shame is thus.

My name is Samara Morgan and I am a slash addict.

Yep. Though I'm otherwise a pretty normal, intelligent, functioning member of society, I am addicted to reading and writing gay fanfiction.

I'm a huge fan of CSI (Vegas, not the crappy spinoffs) and about a year ago was faffing about on a CSI-related site when I stumbled across this stuff. Most of it horribly written, with excruciatingly bad characterization, poor spelling, formatting and grammar that made my eyes bleed.

Fuck this, thought I. I could do better than this shite! *gets biro and pad and starts scribbling away*

Turns out I was right. Turns out, in fact, that I am a *Fucking A* slash writer. Dubious talent...? I have a good grasp of the English language, a creative mind and a very anal attention to detail regarding character. Apparently, it's all you need.

Trouble is, almost without my permission, I've become completely involved with this stuff. I regularly turn out 30,000 word epics. I edit work for other writers. I am the most heavily reviewed writer on, um, a site that shall remain nameless.*cough* I was disturbingly pleased to be nominated for fanfic awards this year.

What started as a pointless self-challenge/temporary diversion has completely taken over my free time. When I'm not writing or reading, I'm thinking up plots (oh yeah, my stuff has plot, it's not all low-grade porn) and scribbling down bits of dialogue on anything that stays still for long enough. I think my 'oh fuck, I'm an addict' moment was at my best friend's wedding in August this year. I was at the evening do, watching everyone else get drunk when I suddenly had a stab of inspiration for the story I was in the middle of writing. In my anxiety not to forget it, I scuttled into the toilets with a napkin and a pen and spent ten minutes making notes.

For those not in the know (sane people, I suppose), reviews/comments are gold in the fanfic world, and the level of excitement I feel when checking my email inbox for review alerts absolutely sickens me. I have been known to sit there going F5 F5 F5 after posting something new. I have, on occasion, stayed up all night to finish something that is only going to be read by people I have never and will never meet.

I have tried to stop, but a day without my laptop makes me so miserable that no one can stand to be around me. Once I power up the laptop, it's like a Pavlov's dog-style conditioned response.

I literally can't stop. Simple psychology tells me that I probably have a basic need for reassurance, and that the feedback culture involved has set me on a never ending reward-loop, but the truth is...

...I really fucking love it.

Click 'i like this' if you think I need a 12-step based intervention.
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 22:41, 10 replies)

Click 'i like this' if you think I need a 12-step based intervention
Hell, no!

Writing is the highest calling you can aspire to.

You go girl!
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Tue 23 Dec 2008, 22:55, closed)

I shall...
...thanks!I love to write, I guess it's just the genre/subject matter that disconcerts me!
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 23:59, closed)

Your post is witty.
I would like to read your fanfic stuff. Link?
( Mod Edit, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 22:58, closed)

Thanks!
I'm slightly reluctant to post a link here. Have gazzed you one though :)
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 23:58, closed)

no need for 12 steps; you only need one.
You can write whatever you want, but it has to involve at least one Teletubby.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 23:01, closed)

There's an idea...
...although I've never seen any, I'm willing to wager that teletubby slash exists.
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 0:00, closed)

Some slash is so implausible...
Kirk and Spock? Admittedly Kirk will jump any alien with a suitably sized orifice but Spock is above such base pleasures - all he needs is a quick finger rub every seven years and he's sorted.

Harry Potter and Malfoy? Surely Harry doesn't go for bottle blondes? Least of all those who would happily see him dead.
( monkeybananaraffle, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 3:07, closed)

You're right
...some of it (a lot of it) is completely implausible and badly written. By 13-year--old girls. I guess I'm prepared to wade through a lot of crap to find the good stuff.

Never read any Star Trek slash; the idea of it just makes me laugh. HPDM is excellent if done well, excruciating if done badly. Depends on the writer. Each to their own :)
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 19:56, closed)

Hmm, most intrigued...
I must confess that there are some characters in CSI worthy of a little exploration...
It was always Sarah for me, dark haired pretty girls do it for me (hence the wifey).

I was recently sent the BDSM notes from Captain Janeway, but it was far to hetrocentric for me really and I am not a trekkie either.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 11:35, closed)

Me neither
I don't enjoy het fic at all.

Sara Sidle is my dreamgirl. I adore her. But I find her very difficult to write, so I tend not to. There's a lot of Sara/Catherine slash around...look for some...you know you want to...
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 19:59, closed)