Accidental Cruelty, lies, Guilty confessions...
This could fit into any number of topics..

Anyway, About 10yrs ago I was looking after/staying at my grandads house while he was away on holiday (now dead. RIP granda). My simple task was to stay over night so that he didn't get broke into and feed his pet budgie that couldn't fly properly and had a crippled foot (or whatever you call birds feet).

The budgie was so lame you could let it out of its cage and it wouldnt escape. It would climb up the curtains using its beak and one good foot then let go and try to fly - usually making it half way across the living room before landing like it had took flying lessons at an al Qeueda training camp.

So the first day the old guy was away me and my mother did the glossing in the living room for him and then on the night my and a few mates went out on the lash.

After many pints and more that one herbal cigarette we headed back to my Grandad's house with food to sit, eat, watch crap on TV and maybe have another herbal or two. I got in and let the budgie version of tiny Tim out of its cage then went into the kitchen for a plate for my special fried rice and curry.

Plate in hand i heads back into the living room and plonks my fat ass down on the chair, ate my food watched some TV then rolled a couple of J's. After about an hour I realised that Budgie Tim was no where to be seen - now this, being my grandads closest thing to company, was enough to snap me from my drunken/stoned stupor to look for the little beggar.

I searched the kitchen, hallway and even the bedrooms but couldn't find it.. I was panicking that it had somehow got out and would get eaten by a cat due to its inability to fly or even hop very fast.

It was about this time I heard one of my mates say "Hey, i found the budgie". Relieved as hell I went through to the living room glad I wasn't going to be the person who lost the budgie. What I saw was not good...

I hadn't lost the budgie. When I had went into the kitchen Budgie Tim had done his climbing up the curtain then flap away trick, landing on the seat. When I had walked in the room and plonked down on the seat I had accidentally SAT on the poor little thing!!

So there I stood with a budgie in my hand that had been squashed to flat I could have fit it in the toaster and one of my mates suggested that we try CPR on it... needless to say this was relatively unsuccessful so we did the only good and decent thing to do - we opened the cage, placed it on its pirch and let go so that it fell to the floor of its cage and the next day I rang me mam and said I woke up to find it dead.

To this day my mother thinks that it was the fumes off her doing the glossing earlier in the day that killed Budgie Tim where as it was really my drunken ass that was the murderer, sorry mam.

Oh, and when i was a toddler watching my mother cleaning the windows I decided to help and clean her fishtank - by pouring in a bottle of Windowleen.. Cue all the fish's floating upside down at the top of the fishtank.
(three inches of snarling death, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 13:32, 3 replies)

"landing like it had took flying lessons at an al Qeueda training camp"

top drawer!

*click*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 6 Dec 2007, 15:23, closed)

pooflake
Thank you kind sir.. you really had to see the state of us lot with a flat crippled dead budgie in our hands..
(three inches of snarling death, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 15:55, closed)

Budgie CPR
Thought I was the only one to try it!
Im soo happy i could write a book
(markov1723 Annoying Bavarians since, Thu 6 Dec 2007, 15:59, closed)