Evil
I'm sat in my room next to the window, overlooking the back garden and road next to our house. I'm sat here working on my thesis, now due in exactly three weeks and beginning to prey somewhat on my mind. I have been living, eating, sleeping (and possibly sh*tting) my thesis recently. As you can imagine life has been very, nay, ultra boring. To top off the fandango of enjoyment that has characterised my grey and dull existence the girl I love is not interested, making the whole past month or so an exercise in heart-wrenching academic futility.

So, to set the scene, this is the somewhat despondent, possibily even pessimistic, frame of mind that I currently inhabit. Next to a window.

Through this window I can see a tree in our back garden. This tree is not a paragon of trees. In fact its rather nonedescript. The tree equivalent of Alastair Darling, rather than a racy sycamore, or a hippy willow. In the tree live a family of grey squirrels. The squirrels are in the habit of frolicking in the garden and generally doing squirrely things. I'm sure that Squirrel Nutkin himself would be proud to call these squirrels his compatriots, proud in the knowledge that for nose twitching, acorn burying, tree climbing and general bushiness of tail these squirrels are at the forefront of the squirrelverse.

Anyway, I digress. My housemate just came back from class. As usual he brought his bike into the back garden, rolled it over to the squirrel tree, and started to lock it in place.

At which point a squirrel dropped out of the tree, like some squirrel version of rambo, and clung on to his bike helmet with all its tiny tiny might. My housemate was somewhat perplexed by this unforeseen turn of events, and began flapping at his own head to remove his new squirrely appendage.

This merely enrages the Die Hard Squirrel, which began attempting to chew through the helmet. My housemate takes this somewhat amiss and, becoming slightly concerned, begins to scream oh so softly. The squirrel doesn't really like this shrieking mannikin it appears to have attempted to bring down, and so redoubles is effort to gain unlicensed access to his brain. Now panicking, my housemate, with an audible toot of the sphincter, drops to the ground and rolls around the wet grass, trying to crush the squirrel. This, fortunately for him, works. The squirrel abandons ship post haste, and retreats, probably swearing, back up the tree. My housemate staggers inside covered in grass and mud, swearing he will kill the squirrel.

I'm pretty sure I can see the thing now, on a branch at the same level as my window. My bored mind posits that its sat there, a rolled up cigarette dangling from one corner of its mouth, swigging from a can of stella, flexing its arm muscles... the crazy Begbie squirrel of our garden.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 15:17, 10 replies)

*click*
ninja squirrels!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 28 Apr 2008, 15:22, closed)

Die Hard Squirrel
You're the wrong Squirrel, in the wrong place at the wrong time.

*Squirrel in a vest*

BOOM!

click
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 15:24, closed)

brilliant
click
(BarryChuckle, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 15:26, closed)

I
swear to god the thing is eyeballing me from the tree branch.

Crazy little bastard
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 15:28, closed)

You could be really evil
and lay a trail of sweetcorn (they love the stuff) to your housemate's room door ...
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 28 Apr 2008, 15:37, closed)

heh
that could actually be a good way of getting back at him... he had a dinner party a few weeks ago and aside from blowing his hunting horn with his inbred friends until 3.30am (this isn't some sort of dirty metaphor... he was actually blowing his horn. Snarf snarf) he also used my tub of flora as an ashtray for their cigars.

I might go to the shop and get some sweetcorn now...
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 15:42, closed)

I'll..
Marry you..

If only for your story writing skills..
*this may or may not be of any comfort to you*

Click! at any rate.. the crazy Begbie squirrel of our garden..genius!
: )
(misshotlips, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:29, closed)

Love it :D
Fantastic story!!
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:31, closed)

'crazy Begbie squirell'
Pure genius - have a click
( snee held his breath since, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 7:51, closed)

@hotlips
Cheers!

Mr Squirrel seems much quieter today. Maybe he has some smack?
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 16:24, closed)