Shit meself in Shanghai
Arrived in Shangers for job interview, was booked into a hotel by the firm, with another applicant, a Canadian ex-figure skater, reasonably pretty but killer body. She was staying in the room directly above me in one of those really narrow hotels that are common in SEAsia. We get through the day, and head back to hotel, I'm thinking 'yeah, gonna have a crack at that'. We had lunch together, cheap Kung Pao Chicken, tasty...
Suggest we go out for a walk around the Bund, have a bite to eat, work my charm, get her back to the hotel and do the do. She was terminally boring, everything we saw had to immediately be compared to Canada... the amount of times I heard '... well, in Canada...' was driving me nuts. But this made me even more determined to get something out of the evening.
We get back to the hotel area, and a tiny little rumble starts in my guts, ooh, a tad uncomfortable, but nothing that bad...
Worth noting at this point what I was wearing, dark blue short sleeved shirt, crisp white linen shorts...
we get to within 50 meters of the hotel, she's giving it loads of body contact, I'm in! but damn, my stomach is still rumbling, i need to get this fart out before we end up in a confined space, one little push should do it...
WHOOOOOSH! Out of my arse comes a jet of scalding hot brown liquid, I'm in the middle of the street with shit running down my legs... distract her! Managed to make some weird game of walking behind her, pushing her ahead of me with my hands on her shoulders.. we get to the hotel, get the key, nobody has smelled anything, but the bellboy hasnoticed my now two tone shorts... shove her into the lift, pretend i forgot something and let the doors close before I can get in, sprint up the stairs, beating the lift, burst into room, strip fully naked, shorts and boxers into bathroom bin, bin out on window ledge, 20 second hosedown in the shower, and she's banging on my door, puzzled...
Let her in the room, she sprawls on the bed while i put some tunes on the laptop.. and she starts banging on about Canada again.
That was the last straw... I just want to get the sex over with and fall asleep, so I jump on her and rush through some rudimentery foreplay, just get the tip in when the door starts being knocked on, and they won't give up... get out of bed to find the bellboy wanting to return the bin full of shitty clothes that had fallen from the window ledge down in front of the hotel entrance...
Now it stank of shit. We both agreed that we were actually really, really tired and should just maybe go back to sleep in our own rooms.
TL;DR Shit myself in the street, still nearly got a shag.
(Ol' Ginger Bastard a role model for the children, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 13:02, 11 replies)

An actual uncontrollable fit of giggles has just broken the silence of our office because of this...
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 13:15, closed)

Could have been worse. You could have pissed in your own mouth.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 13:35, closed)

Excellent.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 13:48, closed)

Brilliant.

( Pig Bodine., Fri 18 Oct 2013, 14:11, closed)

Excellent.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 14:39, closed)

Oh my good god..

( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 15:23, closed)

Classy.

( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Fri 18 Oct 2013, 15:55, closed)

Too much processed food.
[edit] clicks anyway.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 16:25, closed)

Close the polls. We have a winner.
winner shitter
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:51, closed)

I like this.

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 10:48, closed)

Very good
but I would have complained about the laundry service.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 19 Oct 2013, 12:25, closed)