Close your F***in mouth you gargantuan beast!
In my last full time job there was a woman (debatable) who was everything that could constitute a bastard colleague, all rolled into one hideous incarnation.

She was the ultimate target for abuse.

This girl was ugly, not "cute ugly" in the way some dogs are, or even "interesting-looking". She had the kind of face that could strip paint.
In addition to this she was fucking huge, with a physique like "Nanny" from the cartoon Duckula (yes I am a product of the 80's)
www.jedisparadise.co.uk/index.htm?childrenstv/Duckula/Duckula.htm&1
She was a virgin until the age of 23, definitely not through choice.. well not hers anyway.

She also lived with her parents, now, essentially there is nothing wrong with this however it is slightly disturbing when a woman in her mid twenties recieves such items as a "Cabbage Patch Doll" for christmas...

She was a brown nosing twunt, and in true playground style would tell tales on anyone to earn a gold star and detract from how fucking useless she actually was at her job.

She was the only person I have met in my life who went on the weightwatchers diet for an indeterminate number of years and actually ended up fatter than when she started..

But quite possibly the singlemost infuriating thing about her was the manner with which she ate. She slurped, she chomped, she smacked her huge blubbery lips together and gnarled at her food like a lion chewing a particularly gristly carcass.
This girl had the ability to clear the staff room just by reaching into her bag and producing an apple, I swear at least half of the workplace became smokers.

Oh.. and her breath always smelt of fish
(Peek_a_Boo forgot how fun B3ta was until, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 20:13, 4 replies)

Maybe...
She was a lesbian?
(Belgaer is, Wed 30 Jan 2008, 22:52, closed)

Oh God...
... I think I've had her.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 30 Jan 2008, 23:45, closed)

I too had a colleague with such "qualities"
Your canny description of this one's eating style had me wretching with familiarity ;o) Mine looked like Jabba The Hutt, ate like a JCB. Just being in the same room as her was sensory overload.... eeeuw!
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 10:44, closed)

"She was the ultimate target for abuse"
Hmm. A sentence which makes you sound as unpleasant as you claim she is.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Thu 31 Jan 2008, 13:02, closed)