Being bullied by an eleven year old
I recently moved in with my long-suffering girlfriend, in doing so I’ve inherited a couple of stepsons. Non-identical twins in fact.

The transition from friendly bonhomie while I was first dating their mother to becoming an authoritarian figure now that I’m living there has gone remarkably smoothly, with very little petulance over the change in status quo. I’ve grown very attached to the little chaps, most of the time they’re great kids and a pleasure to be around, but occasionally something will kick off and their competitive spirit will force them into small acts of rebelliousness against the new regime.

Of the two boys “F” is the prototype brooding alpha male. He’s a popular kid who loves sports and being the centre of attention, it’s also fair to say he’s had the hardest time coming to terms with someone else being in close physical proximity to his mother.

One afternoon whilst the twins, their mother and I were sat in the car, “F” expressed his displeasure in a very succinct way, stretching the very limits of sophistication for eleven year old wit and dropping the ultimate in wisecracks for which there simply is no answer to.

“You’re gay”

At that point both boys dissolve into teary laughter. The resolve of my authority was being tested and “F” knew it. My girlfriend turned her head toward me and raised an eyebrow. The bar had been lifted.

“You’re gay. G-A-Y. Gay”

How can I respond to that? Do I challenge him to an arm-wrestle? Do I open my beer bottles with my teeth? How do you best a physically confident eleven year old who in all probability is going to grow bigger than you within a couple of years?

I thought long and hard. Whatever I said next didn’t just have to top the last remark in the here and now, it had to stamp my authority on the situation for ever after. I took a deep breath and replied.

“Your mum”.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 15 May 2009, 12:58, 14 replies)

You win B3ta step-parent of the year award : )
Yay!
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 May 2009, 13:00, closed)

Awesome!!
Not at all subtle, but I'm sure it won!!
( Ril3y is a brit abroad.. bring on the Stella / Asahi, Fri 15 May 2009, 13:06, closed)

*clicks*

( WormuIus, Fri 15 May 2009, 13:27, closed)

Where the fuck...
...did you find that picture of my mum?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 15 May 2009, 13:29, closed)

Erm...
Are we related?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 May 2009, 14:09, closed)

Phwoar!
I hope we are!
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Tue 19 May 2009, 16:19, closed)

Great work
But even more clicky love would have been poured on you, had you preceded that with 'I had'.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Fri 15 May 2009, 13:53, closed)

I didn't need to....
...he'll work it out for himself in a few years time when he's going to need taking down a peg or two again.

Hehehehehehehe
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 15 May 2009, 13:54, closed)

First QOTW answer I have clicked in months!
Literally in tears! haha!
( currantbun is nubtnarruc backwards, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:33, closed)

This is the click of the Mysterons.
*click*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 15 May 2009, 18:01, closed)

Nice one :)
*click*
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Fri 15 May 2009, 21:48, closed)

*applauds*...

Brilliant - This for the win!

*clickety*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 18 May 2009, 8:23, closed)

Ha!
Good work, Sir!
( SpankyHanky, Tue 19 May 2009, 11:12, closed)

I love this!
Its ace!
(Grrrrr Tigers, Wed 20 May 2009, 15:45, closed)