Have a phone suppprt related pea whilst I gather my thoughts

I have little day to day contact with children
but one instance that does stick in the mind happened a few months ago.

I was at my desk wading through technical inquiries when my desk phone rang. I picked it up and answered it. I was greeted with a small querulous voice of a boy or about 11 or 12 years of age.

BOY "Err, my father owns a pair of your *********** loudspeakers (name removed to protect my anonymity) (£3500) and the tweeter has been dinged, is a replacement available and how much is it?

ME "Could you define *dinged*?"

BOY "Well it had a football hit it and crumple the front quite badly."

ME (imagining the limb numbing panic that is likely coursing through his veins) "I see. Looking at the parts list here, I have them in stock- its £260 plus shipping. The chances are that the dealer will need to fit it however."

BOY- in tiny voice. "Oh."

And with that he starts to cry.

ME- "Am I to assume that your father isn't aware of the damage and probably had some strong views about footballs in the vicinity of his hifi?"

BOY- "He's back tomorrow- oh God he's going to kill me."

ME- "Generally parents don't kill their offspring."

BOY- "You don't understand, he loves those speakers. There must be something you can do."

ME- "Do you have any money at all?"

BOY- "I have £40 as an allowance for the holidays."

ME "And where are you?"

BOY "I'm in *****" (As it turned out, not a million miles from a dealer friend of mine).

Pause

ME "OK- This is what I am going to do as I have been in this position myself. I am going to ship the part free. I am going to contact a friend of mine where I suspect the speakers came from and he will come and fit the part. You are going to have to give him the £40. This will mean it is a very expensive game of football but you may escape with your life. There is one other thing you will have to do though."

BOY- *sniffs* What is it?

ME- "You're going to have to tell your Dad what happened."

BOY- "But, but he doesn't have to find out."

ME- "But then however there would be no repercussions and no lesson learned. In telling him, you can show that through creative thinking- and crying, you got the problem sorted at your expense."

BOY- "How would you know if I don't?"

ME- "I have your name and house address. I can check. Besides your Dad will ask where the £40 went."

BOY- "Oh."

Details were confirmed and my friend went and fitted the tweeter the following morning. Some days later a package with letter arrived from the boy's father.

Dear Mr Hatred,
Just a quick note to say I received ****'s blubbing confession as per your instructions on my return. I was sufficiently impressed at his ingenuity to spare his life although he is unlikely to see daylight again in 2008.

Enclosed is further proof of a satisfactory resolution to this unfortunate event.

Regards
X

It was a popped football.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:09, 14 replies)

Good man
you're a true legend
(Corbo, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:13, closed)

Clicky McClick!
Genius!
( Joliet, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:22, closed)

Please- no clicks!
This is me being a lazy arse and simply copying something verbatim from last year.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:27, closed)

Well tough - you're getting a click for your honesty in pearoasting.
I liked it the first time round too! So there.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 17:22, closed)

I had to!
..because I thoroughly enjoyed it the first time round and didn't get a chance then... clickage
( MademoiselleDave is drunk and on the internet again on, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 19:03, closed)

Ha
bloody fantastic!
(dchurch bah, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:22, closed)

I was that child
It was my dads technics twin cassett decks 20 years ago when they were completely awesome and my dad was never shy of giving my a good smack. My older brother who was 12 refused to help me fix it, laughed at me and took the piss. I took a pair of pliers and a screw driver to it, and fixed the fucker.

I never looked back and have been pulling things apart for years with some minor successes including a video cassett recorder, a dvd player, a portable television, 100's of computers, a food mixer and numerous other bits and pieces....
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 16:33, closed)

When I was 19
I borrowed my mum's car to go to Nottingham during my first summer home from university, went round a corner too quickly and smashed the nearside indicator. Rather than look like a mong who couldn't be trusted to borrow a car for a day, I phoned Directory Enquiries, found a Citroen dealer with an address I recognised, drove around until I found it, bought a replacement, drove to my university, managed to borrow a toolset from a postgrad in my department and changed the bugger. Meant to tell my mum eventually but forgot all about it until now.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 17:40, closed)

you star!
that deserves a click.

*click*
( spesh., Thu 3 Sep 2009, 18:41, closed)

that's a wonderful story, really well written too :)

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 19:28, closed)

This is quite simply the dogs bollocks
and as I didn't see it last time round, have a click (though you would probably get a click anyway on account of me being a bit free n easy in the mouse-manipulation department*). Cheers.

*Computer mouse; I don't go round fingering small furry rodents...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 9:48, closed)

Hmm
"*Computer mouse; I don't go round fingering small furry rodents..."

Until it's a QOTW and then the truth will flood out...
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Fri 4 Sep 2009, 20:12, closed)

without checking i reckon...
this was around april may last year this was posted - it was underated then and deserves to be full of WIN this time around

splendid
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 0:36, closed)

Yep, last years stuff
But still damn funny.
(Le Grenouille, Sun 6 Sep 2009, 1:59, closed)