Ram It!
A "friend" of mine at the tender age of just 18 years old finds himself posted to Germany with the Army. Trying to make the most of a poor life, he decides to take up drinking in one of the local bars that happen to be frequented by all the expat brits. As is the case when it's the last weekend before payday, he didn't have much money to buy drinks for a quality bird so ended up going home with a 66 year old woman with grade 4 bleach blonde hair "because she said she'd be the best shag ever". She was the Über Chav with a voice like Futurama's "Mom" to boot. It's the voice that I remember most clearly. It resonated around the billet shared with 7 others like a very low pitched fire engine, temporarily interrupted by the shouts of "Fuck Me!" "Fuck Me you Cunt!" "Fuck Me! Fuck Me! Fuck Me!". Then came the body blow- "Turn the Fackin' Light on!". I swear at this point she sounded like what i'd imagine to be a cross between the Viz's Cockney Wanker and fag ash lil! "Turn the Fackin' Light on! - I wanna see you fuck me!" She ordered. She reached across and turned the reading light on. It was then discovered upon looking down, she had the words "RAM IT!" quite clearly tattoed above her lady bits. There may even have "Big Boy" underneath, but this was obscured by pubes so that is unconfirmed at this stage. The traumatic experience put me off sex for a week.

The week after that we all ventured to a different bar. On the hunt for new, younger, and much better looking meat. A friend points to two young, very sexy fille's and says, "Those two girls want to talk to you!". So, collars up, trying to look cool, we swagger over, trying to look good and deliver the line: "Allo' Ladies!" to which one of them replied, "Hey, didn't you sleep with my auntie last week?"

Roger that, lets run like hell.......
(sunray18, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 7:17, 3 replies)

"Ram it!"
That is vile! Poor sod. A hole's a goal and all that, but christ! Fair play.
( elgordo, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 8:33, closed)

coffee / monitor wipe at terminal 1 please!
vile, but so, so funny.
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Mon 8 Dec 2008, 11:26, closed)

"Roger that, lets run like hell......."
Was your "friend" called Barney?
(LLamaBoy skived off work on, Mon 8 Dec 2008, 14:12, closed)