Dum, dum, dum, dumadumadum
September 1986, I’m a long way from home, working in Larrrrrrrndon, staying in the company’s halls of residence during the week. I’ve been staying here for months and haven’t really made an effort to get to know any of the other employees also resident. They spend time in the bar or are out enjoying the fleshpotty delights of the crapital, I spend quite a lot of time camped out in the teevee lounge.

It’s Eastenders, Lofty and Michelle are about to get wed and the teevee room is packed to the rafters. I have a seat, others are sitting on the floor, standing along the walls, hanging from light fittings, the works. Older folk could remember the moon landing, the next generation would get the twin towers to gape at but for us, this is the television event of the decade.

Soilers follow:

Michelle jilts Lofty.

End of spoilers.

Lofty goes back to his flat to have a bit of a cry, slumped against his door he draws breath prior to some manly sobbing. The screen is silent. The room is silent.

Except for one bloke at the back who, timing his line to perfection, shouts ‘never mind Lofty mate, have a wank!’.

Events followed thus: hundreds of traumatised ‘stenders fans all draw breath at the same time to laugh and, in just that moment, there is a sound like a thunderclap in a tin shed as my bottom laughs just a half second ahead of everyone in the room guffawing.

Everyone is howling with released tension, laughing at the joke and laughing at Fart Lad.

The room was packed, I couldn’t even exit gracefully, just had to sit there with a face so red I suspected somebody might try and post letters in my mouth. Programme finished. My shame took far longer than that to leave me. Strangely, I did not get laid that night.

Months later somebody asked if I was ‘the bloke who had farted during Eastenders?’.

Twenty two years later I can laugh about it, but only after clenching first.
(Macnabbs may contain traces of exaggeration on, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 13:36, 4 replies)

Bravo
I swear on my life that I've actually cried with laughter at that.

Told with panache - good work Fart Lad.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 13:45, closed)

Brilliant
What's more, I had a mouthful of coffee, which had to go back into the cup.

I'm now getting some very strange looks as I laugh heartily to myself.

*clicks muchly*
( Moey, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 13:49, closed)

Ha ha ha...
This is brilliant... I'm trying not to pee myself with laughing so hard!
(etak, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 13:55, closed)

fantastic typo
I think "soilers follow" is a great typo ... was there follow through?
(Ja For Sure, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 14:33, closed)