This Will Win Me No Friends
It isn't even funny. But I do die, violently and bloodily inside, every time I think of it.

I had been helping my ex DJ at a party that consisted entirely of wankers (I do not exclude myself) many years ago. I was bored to death, very tired, wanted to leave, and was not nearly drunk enough to be cheerful, but just enough to be nasty.

The male half of a particularly tedious couple of my acquaintance approached me towards the end of the night. I didn't want to talk to anyone, let alone this person, mainly because I had nothing in common with him. He and his GF were obsessed with spawning, and were recently, joyfully and noisily pregnant, so all I could think of to ask about was the condition of his missus.

Keep in mind that I'm the sort of minging heartless witch who couldn't care less about children, and who has a hatred of weedy euphemism.

"Um... so how's Mrs. Thingy's pregnancy going?"

"Oh... she lost the baby".

"That was a bit clumsy of her. Leave it on a bus seat or something, did she?"

Even I was stunned. I wish I could plead temporary insanity, serious drunkenness, or demonic possession. The only real explanation is that I am a total cow.

It was so bad, in fact, that Mr. Thingy was sure he hadn't heard me properly, above the awful music. I covered myself, I think, but to this day the memory of this Tourette-esque outburst of glib evil has had me reaching for the Nembutal.
(lonelybadger, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 11:40, 3 replies)

!
You cunt
(sirolimus, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 11:47, closed)

I wish I hadn't just laughed so hard at this
But I did.
And now I feel a tiny spark of guilt.

*coughs*
( Cawl, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 11:49, closed)

Kaol, guilty?
Naaaah!

Good tale tho... clicked!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:16, closed)