Pearoast from pet peeves
I work at an Indian restaurant most nights
so I have lots!

People who think it's funny to order in an Indian accent and take the piss. It's not funny, you look like a twat and do you really think it's a good idea to antagonise the people who are about to prepare your food? WE're too professional to sabotage it, but it's still not a good habit.

People who come in and say "Um, I'll get the one I had last time...It was orange". That's wonderful sir, we serve 20 different curries and 15 of them could be described as orange. I'm happy to reccommend dishes but I'm not a mind reader, I don't know what you want. You do.

People who say "Will I be able to handle the heat?". See above. I'm not a mindreader, I don't know your palate. I take my curry really hot, so saying "Oh, however you take it" is not going to produce the results you want. Just because I'm a white girl doesn't mean I'm as pussy as you are with spices. All you have to say is mild, medium or hot. Nothing complicated about it.

ALSO, people who order a dish and upon seeing it, decide they don't want it and shouldn't have to pay for it. THAT'S NOT MY FAULT. If you ask for a hot chicken vindaloo, I will give you a hot chicken vindaloo and you can bloody well pay for a hot chicken vindaloo. It's not my fault that you don't know your tastes well enough. It's not my fault that you order it too hot for your own good, or suddenly remember you're vegetarian, and I'm certainly not going to give you a discount for being so fucking dumb.

ALLERGIES: People with severe allergies, I understand that it's be hard to eat out. That's fine by me. Tell me about it and I'll be happy help you out, I'll get a dish made without coriander, or cream or whatever. I don't have a problem with that. But do not get angry at me if you only tell me about your nut allergy as I'm putting your korma onto the table. Kormas are made with almonds, and if you had actually read the menu you would know that. No, I can't just 'get rid of all the nuts in it', I can't unmake it. It doesn't work like that, and if you're gonna choke from eating those nuts, don't bloody well order them.

See that table? It has two chairs on it. Therefore it is a two person table. Our tables are large. You don't need a table for six when there's only two of you - it's losing us money when you sit down there and refuse to move. And don't sit down at a table for two then 'sneak' over onto a large one.... You look like a twat and I WILL make you move back.

As someone said before, people who ask for unnecessary things, i.e fresh orange juice. What do you think, that we serve 2 types of orange juice? One that's mouldy and gross and one that's fresh?

Brits who think they're better qualified on curry than Indians. Mainly I love the brits, but saying "oi, I'm from England I know that butter chicken doesn't have cashews in it!!" just makes you look like a twat. Butter chicken does have cashews in it, and newsflash, curry did not originate in Britain. Don't argue with the experts.

Sleazy old men. I'm 17, young enough to be your granddaughter, keep your hands off me. Do you honestly think that a fat, drunk, sweaty, leering old man is going to turn me on? Do you actually think that by grabbing my arse and winking at me, that you'll get a date? Your wife is sitting there looking ashamed of you, and the rest of the restaurant thinks you look like a lecherous old cunt. Stick to your own age.

Yes, I realise that I am a white girl. Yes I know you think that for some reason that is hilarious. But I've heard "So, you're not Indian! HAHAHAHAHA!" way too many times now.
Please. Give up.

Don't get in my way. This is a special message to the drunken idiots who thought it would be a great idea to STRIP OFF and start doing press ups in the middle of the restaurant while I was trying to get past to take care of an epileptic customer in the middle of a seizure. GET OUT OF MY WAY. I know that naked sweaty press ups are very important to you, but that woman's life is more important. I know this is a hard concept to grasp, so why don't you just start with STAYING CLOTHED AND IN YOUR SEAT.

If you can't pronounce something, that's ok - not many people can. But don't pretend, and don't argue with me about it unless you speak a fair amount of Hindi or Punjabi like I do. Because I WILL shoot you down.

Parents: It is not my job to restrain your child. You chose to have children. With that choice comes certain sacrifices - sometime you will have to remove your child from a restaurant. Don't just look at me helplessly as your child attacks other patrons or tries to kick my legs. I WILL ask you to leave if you can't control your child - this is a perfectly reasonable request so please don't look at me like I've just slit the throat of your precious little crotchfruit (although after 3 hours of him I would love to)

Yes pikeys, I will ID you. If you come into my restaurant in your bloody school uniform then I'm not exactly keen to serve you 5 generic shitty alcopops.

If you need to be served quickly, we'll do our best. But don't come in when we have a full restaurant with a table of 60 and one of 30 and say "oh, we have to leave in half an hour, so we'll get *INSERT HUGELY COMPLICATED ORDER HERE*, oh and we'd like at least 15 minutes between the starters and the mains". I don't really like you anyway and assuming that you're the centre of my universe isn't the best way to do things.

Don't whistle at me, grab my apron, grab my tablet (we use tablets to process orders)or try to come behind the bar. PERSONAL SPACE PEOPLE! Yes I'm only 17, but I'm not willing to be pushed around just because you're wearing a suit. Also suits, don't give me your business card and say "Call me when you're in Christchurch". Ew. You're three times my age and I don't want THAT sort of work experience, you sleaze.

I am human. I can only do so many things at once. If I'm running past your table with a tray full of drinks and another with food on it, then it is safe for you to presume that I don't actually have time to get another 16 beers for the table. If you insist on asking me to "just nip down and get another round of JD & coke for the table before you go do those orders, love" then I will smile, nod, and 'forget' about you for the next 2 hours. If I'm busy, be patient; I'm trying, and I'm coming soon. Just WAIT.

If you ring up to order a takeaway, please have a general idea of what you want. I do not have time to read the entire menu to you on a busy saturday night while you say "um....well... I've just got to talk to Sal, she wants something beginning with P? I think it's orange? Actually luv, just read those ones off to me again?". GO AWAY.

Also, I'm not an idiot. I'm studying to be an engineer - this is just to pay bills. Don't treat me like I'm unintelligent, you patronising bitch.

On the other hand, if you are polite to me, you don't act like an arrogant twat and you treat me with respect, I will go out of my way to make your meal a good one. Drinks will disappear from your bill, we'll give you extra naan bread for no charge, you'll be served in record time. It's not hard to be decent and the rewards will be noticeable. Good customers really are appreciated...It's just a shame that I see so few of them.
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 11:09, 24 replies)

Nice post.
I enjoyed reading that.
*clicks*
( Cawl, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 11:22, closed)

How old are you, then?
16 or 17?
(meat2veg hello!, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 11:24, closed)

She's 17
Her birthday was somewhere between the "Pet Peeves" question and this one.
Kinda obvious, surely?
( Cawl, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 11:27, closed)

This is excellent
*clicks*

You tell 'em :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 11:45, closed)

Click
For the term 'crotchfruit' Brilliant!

I musta missed this one the first time round.
(uk_viper stopped lurking on, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 11:55, closed)

Orange curry
rolf.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 12:00, closed)

Good customers?
Surely everyone should be polite. I can't stand people who are rude to waiters etc., mind you I've never really seen it myself.
But I endeavour to live by the motto: "A person who is polite to you and rude to the waitress is not a nice person."

Also: prude :)
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 12:18, closed)

rare comment
wouldn't normally comment on people's posts unless they are particularly moving, but I have to say that for a 17 year old your prose, your style & your attitude are exceptional. I have been really taken with some of the answers from people with shitty jobs who ended up at Nasa (etc.) and I very much hope you are going to be one of them.

(former plate washer, then pilot, then MBA/PhD, now buying oil companies for a living, still feel out of my depth in the sea of talent that is B3TA)
(pounana Slept well, and dreamed of large women, on, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 12:22, closed)

I think I love you
have a click
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 12:27, closed)

All my esteemed colleagues are correct
What a superb post.

I wish I had that much about me when I was 17.

*click*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 12:31, closed)

I'm impressed that at 17 and from New Zealand
you speak Hindi and Punjabi - also your written English is far superior to most UK 17 year olds.

Click most definitely earned.
( fastcar, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 13:48, closed)

Fast Food
Friends of mine who worked in curry houses (lots of them in Bradford where I used to be) would recount that the chef in most establishments would pride himself on being able to put a meal on a table within five minutes if so required.

It was known as the "Gunga Din" special, prepared for any pissed up twunts who would abuse the waiter in any racially aggravating manner. It would still pass any H&S inspection, but being comprised of the stringiest offcuts of meat, the mankiest veg in the basket and the most outrageous combination of spices known to man, your memories of eating it the following morning would be vivid, colourful and exceptionally painful.
(TalkbackStuck making obscene phonecalls since, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 13:59, closed)

Top Girl
If only every curry house had someone like you!

you'll do just fine in this life.

I am now craving a chilli massala or chicken naga chilli........
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 14:09, closed)

Click!
Very good, and I agree with it all....... but I didn't know butter chicken had cashews in!

Whereabouts in Christchurch then, cos that's where I lived (until 2 weeks ago) and I may well have been one of your customers - a nice one might I add!
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 14:10, closed)

crotch fruit!
that deserves a click!
(rosie-pie, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 14:53, closed)

precious little crotchfruit
*clicky*

Very well written - bravo you!
(Nogin the Nog is the good one! Beware Nogbad the Bad!, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 16:39, closed)

What a wonderful, well written post.
Have a click, a smile and a thank you.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 19:14, closed)

that was funny
I say fresh orange...just a habit I've picked up as my mum and dad both say it. I think people say it because it might sound like they want orange squash or something if they leave out the fresh. Does sound a bit stupid thought now you say it..
(europe-who, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 21:18, closed)

I just wish I had your knowledge of customer service when I was 17,
I'm knocking on the door of 40 now, with 20 years customer service (ish) behind me, and it is only the last ten years or so I have picked up the knowledge and courage to deal with idiots the way you do. Fair play to you, and your written English is some of the best I have seen.

*Clicked*
( loonybean giving as good as he gets since, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 21:53, closed)

^ What they all said.
An enjoyable read.
Now I want a curry, though. Damn.
(Sundayturkey has the biggest mug of tea, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 2:19, closed)

Wow
I left for 24 hours and got 20 replies!

I'm 17 now, whoever guessed that my birthday was between pet peeves and now was correct :)

I don't live in Christchurch at the moment, I will next year but for now I'm in Nelson.

Also, I'm not fluent in either Hindi or Punjabi, but I know enough to hold my own in a conversation. Certainly I know enough to know how to pronounce the names of curries!

And as to the compliments on my language... Well, cheers. I've always abhorred bad grammar and syntax so I do try :)
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 6:33, closed)

Also
I can't claim crotchfruit as my own unfortunately. Good job to the guy who invented the term here on b3ta (wish I could remember who!)
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 6:35, closed)

*click*
now where is that "i love this" button...
(CannedLaughter, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:29, closed)

Suberb!
**Click**
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:48, closed)