6 billion well spent?
'hello, dear.'
'hello, mother.'
'how was your day at work?'
'fine thanks. we've been building a large hadron collider. we're nearly finished.'
'that's good, dear. what's it for?'
'it's for smashing particles together at very high speeds.'
'really? and why do you want to do that?'
'well, we want to see what happens.'
'oh, right. do you have any idea what might happen?'
'yes, we think we'll find new kinds of particles, ones we believe exist, but have never found before. it's very exciting.'
'that's good. so will these new particles be useful for anything?'
'yes, we expect them to explain our reality.'
'really? do we not know already?'
'we have a theory.'
'oh, i see. is it a good theory?'
'yes, it's a great theory, we're just not sure about a couple of things.'
'are adam and eve in it?'
'no, mother, adam and eve aren't real.'
'oh, i see. is god real?'
'god has not been scientifically proven.'
'but your theory can be scientifically proven?'
'yes. well, in theory. we just need to confirm a couple of things.'
'are they big things?'
'not really. in fact, it's only the very tiniest things. we understand all the big things, it's only the very tiny things we're having a bit of trouble with. they're difficult to see, you see.'
'of course.'
'and we're not sure how we managed to get big things from only very tiny things.'
'yes, i wondered much the same as i was pushing you out, dear. well, as long as it's not dangerous.'
'there's no need to worry, mother, there's almost absolutely no danger at all. we've worked it all out and there's almost zero chance of destroying the universe.'
'well, i suppose there's only the very small things you're not sure about.'
'yes. and if we can create the very small things, we can find out how they make the big things.'
'i do hope you won't be making lots of big things to clutter the house up with, dear, it's bad enough in there already.'
'no, mother.'
'well, i'm sure you know what you're doing, dear.'
'of course we do, mother, and that's exactly what we intend to prove.'
'and speaking of tiny things that mysteriously become large, i would appreciate it if you could come round and trim the privet like you promised. goodbye, dear. and all the best with your theory, i hope it all works out.'
'thanks, mother. i'm sure it will.'
(threadkiller, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:11, 8 replies)

Is that you, Higgs?
How's your boson handling all the excitement?

*click*
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:18, closed)

I'd bet my left nipple
that your mother actually passed away several years ago, and that this conversation only took place in your mind.

:D
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:20, closed)

Bert..
.
It's a matter of record that you don't have any nipples left to bet.

Goats are such *nibblers* don't you know...
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:29, closed)

It wasn't a goat
I just got carried away with the nipple clamps.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 14:55, closed)

You too eh?
I've given up talking to people about what I do (especially with the parents) and generally spend my evenings pretending to be in another profession, otherwise the conversation inevitably turns to "ooh - aren't you going to kill us all with black holes soon?".

P.S. I always get rather uncomfortable when I hear the words "prove" and "theory" in the same sentence. Normally I leave the proof to the mathematicians.
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 15:30, closed)

Job descriptions
I used to have a job setting up non-geographic numbers (freephone, 0845, 0870, premium rate etc.) - fairly basic stuff, but we always had to make a quick test call to make sure we hadn't inadvertently directed a children's charity's 0800 number to an live S&M service or what have you.

Anyway, at one family reunion or another I was feeling particularly fed up with my gran's invasive questioning, so when she asked me what it was I did at work, I told her, completely truthfully, that I sat and phoned gay chatlines all day.

The shock didn't *quite* finish her off...
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 17:47, closed)

Do I take it
that we have two CERN based b3tards here?

Bet you have fun trying to explain that the black holes that the LHC could theoretically produce will just evaporate into nothingness!

Incidentally, have you ever spelt 'hadron' wrongly by mistake...?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 19:02, closed)

Well, let's put it like this
I have NEVER misspelt hadron, but I have misspelt boson to "cocksuckingarmadillowhore". The keys are, like, right next to each other.

And yes, I am (nearly) CERN based.
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 23:00, closed)