Hopefully a few of you gents can relate to this...
Okay, blowjobs... now, having been fortunate enough to experience this particular act on more than one occasion, I have come to the conclusion that 1) I don't enjoy them, and 2) they're fucking boring.

I was once about 10 minutes into a truly un-inspiring BJ when the boredom finally kicked in and I had to fake being "close" just because I didn't have the heart to ask her to stop. The male orgasm isn't quite as automatic as some women must assume. We can be complex beasts, and it's not simply a case of "throw enough shit at the wall and some of it's gotta stick!"

I very nearly chuckled out loud to myself at one point as the poor girl was clearly putting loads of effort in, and it just did nothing for me. I managed to fake various pleasure-noises to cover up the fact I nearly had very embarrassing bedroom giggles.
(keyboardman, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 11:58, 7 replies)

me too
i just wasn't sure whether or not my current and previous Gfs + one night stands have just been crap at it.
(suboftheday, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:02, closed)

Instructional Videos
There is a wide range of instructional videos available at your local sex shop or free to download off the interweb. I suggest you introduce these types of films into your lovemaking ritual. The missus, being a woman and therefore inherently competitive with other women, will become an expert in no time and your pants will be the proud custodians of a very happy chappy.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:05, closed)

In the same way
that steak and chips cooked by Gordon Ramsey will be a more satisfying experience than steak and chips cooked by Dave the Little Chef grease slinger, I would suggest that technique is everything here.

But yes, a poor blowjob is nothing to get excited about.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:40, closed)

Slight variation....
I need to have somethng to do with my hands to enjoy being given a bj.
I can really get off if I'm helping her pleasure, but if she's in a position where I can't reach her erotic bits I just want a good book instead.

AND...

Despite all those wonderful video's out there, both directed and amateur, that show her just using her mouth, I need her hands too.

One of my ex's had a great way of getting out of BJ's... "You don't think I can get my little mouth round that big thing, do you?"
I knew it was BS but it was good BS.
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:40, closed)

@paof2
Diplomacy is a wonderful thing.

One ex told me "You're not sticking that up there; it's too wide."

Now, I've seen plenty of "art" movies; mine ain't that big, not really. Still, it was nice of her to say so.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:44, closed)

"Specialist" actresses
use their hands, their feet, their mouth, their hair and any sufficiently abrasive and available surface that comes to hand. Regarding your own hands, grab a glass of wine and pour it into her mouth and over your cock for added flavour.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:51, closed)

I "used" to be in exactly the same boat.
Had a wife.. she was shit at it. Bored me fucking senseless. She just wasn't into sex anyway, so the whole experience was like being with a sack of spuds.

1 divorce later, and a nymphomaniac that worshipped my cock was on the scene.. She fucking loved it in fact, and used to tell me on a regular basis, and consequently we fucked anywhere and anytime. Life was great.

I am now about to re-marry (not the nympho) however my wife to be has a large appetite for cock, and has amazing BJ technique..rotating the hands as she wanks and sucks ! Hence I am marrying her. lol.

If you get 2 people that "work right" together then it can be amazing. My opinion has changed for good about sex and BJ's. :D
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Fri 11 Jul 2008, 13:10, closed)