Binary Code
I have no particular expertise with computers, and in fact did manage to write off a £2000 laptop by spilling Pepsi Max on it. But whenever something goes wrong (and this happens often, not only am I clumsy with carbonated drinks but I can't resist certain things, like pressing big shiny red buttons with "DO NOT PRESS" written on them in very serious looking font) I'm too cheap to get someone competent to sort it out, and spend many determined hours searching for do-it-yourself solutions. This is not always easy, especially when I have to ignore flashing error messages and periodic overheating (due to cat hair clogging up the fan - this I DID have to get an expert to sort out). But I usually find out what's wrong, and store the information away in my brain for the next time I click the wrong thing.

So my friends turn to me for computer help. Bless them.

One time I was called to a friend's house because, and I quote: "IT WON'T TURN ON, IT WON'T TURN ON, OH MY GOD WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ALL MY COURSEWORK IS ON HERE, OH MY GOD PLEASE HELP, IT WON'T TURN ON".

When I get there I tell my hysterical friend to go and get us some drinks, preferably not Pepsi Max, while I have a look. Well the solution is obvious in 3 seconds, even without the assistance of Google. A lead has fallen out and the PC isn't connected to the power supply. While I'm crouched under the desk plugging it back in, the OCD sufferer in me races to the surface and starts seperating wires from the hideous mass of black plastic that hangs forlornly down the back of the desk.

When she comes back in, my friend sees the computer miraculously whirring into life and me straightening out the wires connected to it.

"Oh my god," she says weakly. "You fixed it! What was the problem?"

"Well, you know that computers run on binary code don't you?"

She knows no such thing of course, but she nods quickly so as not to look stupid.

"The zeros can squeeze through any kind of wire, but the ones always travel sideways and it can be really difficult for them to navigate the bends. You have to keep the wires straightened out so they can get through."

To this day, she faithfully straightens all the wires feeding her PC once a week so the ones can flow through easily. Bless.
(DiscoStew, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 20:00, 4 replies)

*click*
Superb. I've spent the last 5 minutes giggling like a child :)
(blueberrypossum wants to Jaffa your Cake, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 20:20, closed)

what? thats not true?
.... stupid lying computing teacher and her trickery.... grr..
(LiL_Arsewipe licked your face on, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 20:37, closed)

But that isn't right!
Clearly, it is the 1s that go easily down the wire and the big fat 0s that get stuck
( seeballs Doo da da doo da da doo da da doo, da da doo da do, Thu 21 Aug 2008, 21:40, closed)

You can always make more room for the bits
by getting perpendicular, of course.
( benryves Now I'm radioactive! That can't be good!, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 0:25, closed)