The One That Got Away.......
OK so it wasnt me I was there.......

It's great having kids especially when they hang on your every word and believe all that you say, even when it's clearly bollocks.

The daughter is one such child and every now and then (don't take the piss to often, it makes them suspicious) I've had a day or two of fun.

One such occasion happened when me, the missus and the bairn were at a place called Portavadie (just outside Tighnabruaich) for the day.

In the hills above said place is an old abandoned settlement.

After doing the Grand Old Duke Of York thing we were duly marching back down again when on a whim I says to little Miss DM, "Look there's a Haggis".........

She spins around just in time for me to further advise her that the timorous little beastie has shot of into some long heather and is hiding.....

Now being around 9 at the time and still eager to learn she was full of questions such as, "What's a haggis"? "Where do they live"? "What do they eat"? etc.

Well after much explaining I told her what we could do is try and catch one so she could see what they look like and then let it go again.

I had to explain that as they are so timorous and shy it takes the local haggis farmers a full year to catch enough to sell and that's why they have a special celebration for them on Burns Night.

Anything we caught would have to be freed. (there is no captive breeding programme) and anyway we didn't have a "haggis hunting licence".

"How can we catch them when they are so shy" quips said child, clearly think "yea right dad you have no chance of outrunning anything furry".......

So I go on to further explain that there are in fact two distinct breeds of haggi, lefties and righties....

The difference being that lefties have the short legs of the left hand side of their body and can only run around hills in an anticlockwise direction.

Righties on the other hand have the two short legs on the right hand side of their bodies and can only run in a clockwise direction.

All we had to do was pick a direction and run in that direction waving and shouting as we go and any haggi coming towards us would take fright and try and run back from whence they came.

As they would now be running in the wrong direction for their breed (i.e. their short legs would now be on the downhill side) they would role down the hill and we could catch them at the bottom (because this is after all how the haggis farmers round them up).

Easy.

So after an eager look of we shoots with much waving of arms and shouting (interspersed with me laughing my lungs out) in search of the fabled beastie.

Back and forth we shoots until we eventually hear something scuttle through the heater, (probably a rabbit)...

At this point I shouts to the bairn, "That's us, straight down hill and we will get it at the bottom".

Well once at the bottom we continue to run about a bit through heather, bracken and gorse before I finally succumb to my age and tell the daughter to go look herself as I'm clearly to big and noisy to be jumping about.

I then got to spend a good 30 minutes sitting enjoying the sun with the missus before we call the chase off and head back home.....

Happy memories and all.

Until just before the following Burns Night when I find Little Miss DM is clearly sad and unhappy.

"What's up"? says I.

"It's the haggis", says Little Miss DM, "I'm just sad at the thought of them getting eaten".

I let the missus put her right as I didn't know whether to laugh or cry......

She still scowls at me over that one.............
(Dark Matter All The Wonders In The World & We Invent Boredom, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 13:03, 5 replies)

That's ace
my dad told me the exact same story when I was young.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 13:12, closed)

tsk...
Everyone knows the righties are the females and the lefties are the males. Breeding season coincides with the period that the farmers make hay. When the haggisses get together to mate the female turns round, faces the other way and the male mounts up. Naturally the female is off balance and they end up rolling down the hill.
This is where the expression "a roll in the hay" comes from.
( SteamedCleaner, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 14:02, closed)

I told PJM this when we were in Scotland back in June.

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 15:20, closed)

SC
Now that I know lefties and righties are in fact male and female I'll need to make it a point of adding this to any conversations I happen to have with passing tourists. I'll even ensure that the little bit on local sayings re role in the hay is added for extra special effect...........
(Dark Matter All The Wonders In The World & We Invent Boredom, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 16:03, closed)

:)
top marks.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sun 24 Aug 2008, 8:11, closed)