Rubbish Heckling in the Bakery
I don't know if this really fits in with the question, as there was no comedy club involved; but here goes.

Many years ago, I worked the odd weekend on the night shift at a bakery.
It was pretty boring work, making up orders for the various shops and loading them onto vans (sometimes even getting to decorate the Chelsea buns with the jizz icing).

We worked hard most of the time but, sometimes, when the vans were out and the cakes were still in the ovens, we had time on our hands.

Now, being a bakery, we would often find the odd mouse. We used "humane" traps to catch them and would generally just put them outside.
We would, however, keep a pair back, sometimes, and race them. This involved building an obstacle course round the back storeroom and betting on our mice.

A straight race was pretty boring, so we would sometimes try to heckle our opponent's mouse by shouting and even throwing currents etc. at them, to put them off.

Anyway. This time I decided that there was no way that my mouse would lose and I went to throw a pound bag of currents on the other mouse. Unfortunately, I tripped and poured them on my mouse. It stopped dead, looked me in the eye, charged and bit me on the ankle.

To cut a long story short, I pissed off my own mouse.
( MyFrontFellOff ; his mouth full of teddies, urinating defiantly, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 0:19, 18 replies)

BOO!
Tell us a funny one now!
(yeswehavenopasties, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 0:29, closed)

There was a Pakistani chap used to work at our local swimming pool.
He was called Jahandjir Bandin.
( MyFrontFellOff ; his mouth full of teddies, urinating defiantly, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 0:39, closed)

FFS
It's currants, not currents.
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 8:06, closed)

You don't know that.
It could have been a Sith bakery.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 8:09, closed)

they were probably fucking sultanas

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 8:46, closed)

We were indeed.
The Sultan of Brunei's wife was quite exotic but I was disappointed by how common the Sultans of Swing's wives were.
( MyFrontFellOff ; his mouth full of teddies, urinating defiantly, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:37, closed)

The sort of hand clapping that is really slow with a muted tsk tsking.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 8:51, closed)

This lacks any sort of redeeming quality.
Go sit in the corner.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 9:02, closed)

Well I liked it.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:22, closed)

you would, you shit-liker

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:24, closed)

Wanking on cakes, failure to correctly dispose of captured rodents, inability to spell "currant", all leading up to a terrible pun.
I think it's you who is ruining this place.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:15, closed)

I'd like to think so, certainly.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:33, closed)

Is there a raisin you're telling us all this?

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 10:44, closed)

Now YOU - YOU can fuck off.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 11:33, closed)

That's the yeast he can do.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 18 Jun 2014, 15:08, closed)

you shouldn't rise to it ... you'll only get knocked back
there's no knead to prove yourself

etc etc etc
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 18 Jun 2014, 16:02, closed)

Three rules of comedy NO PUNS NO PUNS AND NO PUNS
Often misheard as NO BUNS NO BUNS NO BUNS

or BUMS
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 19 Jun 2014, 9:27, closed)

...left unfingered.

(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Thu 19 Jun 2014, 15:11, closed)