I was going to heaven.
I was a christian for the first 15 years of my life. A Hardcore one too - no sex before marriage, being gay is evil, virgin birth, the whole package.

Then, age 15, I decided to sit down and read the Bible through, properly. Not just looking at the passages we'd studied at Bible group. The idea was that it would help me grow in my faith - having a greater understanding of the Bible could only strengthen my faith, right?

Not really. I read some interesting passages about the rules of rape, the protocols of feminine subjugation and the policies of God. I read the entire Bible through - yes, even the endless lists of names in Chronicles. when I had finished, I concluded that the bible was a great steaming pile of misogynistic, oppressive, archaic wank. At this point I started thinking very hard about my faith, especially in relation to science. That was the night that I realised I was an atheist. Since becoming atheist, I've been happier than I ever was as a christian.

Unfortunately that doesn't go down so well with my extremely Christian family. There's nothing quite like knowing your parents believe that you're going to burn in Hell for eternity. Which raises the question - surely Heaven can't exist, because what sort of Heaven is it when you know your children are being tortured for eternity?


Since realising my atheistic tendencies, I've had a lot of premarital sex.

Locations include:

In a graveyard. Twice. Sin? Check.

On a children's playground. Twice. Sin? Check.

Less than 2m away from a good friend of mine (who is still somehow unaware). In my defence... I was a very drunk teenager. Sin? Check.

Yet at 17, I've been in a monogamous relationship with the same person for 2 years - which is a better track record than a lot of Christians I know. Not bad for the immoral atheist whore.


I've been drunk in a church. Sin? Check.

I have no problem with gay people, I support equality for all - whether you be male female gay straight black white or purple, I eat shellfish, I have premarital sex, I have committed the Unforgivable Sin, I swear, I blaspheme, I've lied, i question authority, I wear jewellery and makeup, I believe in evolution and dinosaurs, I don't act unclean when I'm on, I don't cover my hair.

In short, I'm a great big parcel of sin en route to Hell.

Except the best part? I'm not. Because it doesn't exist. Of course, that didn't stop all of my christian friends cutting all contact with me, condemning me as an evil heathen whore.

So fuck you, Hell.

DISCLAIMER: I'm well aware that not all christians are insane. I have no problem with christians who keep their faith to themselves without pushing it on me or the education system.
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 2:42, 10 replies)

I was going to heaven.
You can't be human and live by those rules. I have also read that book - it just doesn't make any sense - no logic in place. If written (or dictated) by designer is faulty user instruction.

BAH to judgmentals; they are the inhumans. Not you. Be true to yourself. Rock on.

PS Congratulations on getting out of there!
( cackers, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 3:08, closed)

Jesus loves you...
There's nothing so disturbing as a brain washed pre-teen evangelizing you
(polar69, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 6:44, closed)

Can relate
Most of the biggest tossers in my life I also recognise as being labelled as 'Christians' too. I'd much rather describe myself as having a faith, however small it may now be, than sully myself with the label of a Christian.
(reknaw, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 7:52, closed)

To be fair
They're not tossers because they're christian. Most christians are nice and shiny enough. It's just that prejudiced people use their faith as a vehicle for their bigotry.
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 12:00, closed)

But Gabs....
I may call you Gabs? - You haven't quite escaped the conditioning. Even now you describe yourself as "Holy"...

This indicates that you know that God still loves you. That God still has a place in his heart for you.

You know in your heart of hearts that you belong back with your real friends, your Christian friends. You secretly yearn to turn your back on the false friends, the beer-drinkers, the whores and harlots that you surround yourself with these days. You really want to come back to God.

And I have been sent to help you - to guide you. Let me help you my child. Let us pray together.

Now kneel and think of Jesus.

Now open your mouth........


*SLURRP*



I think I would have made a fucking great priest.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 8:31, closed)

Heh
I think you mean a great fucking priest. It's a talent...
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 9:23, closed)

Oh Legless...
You never fail to make me laugh.
(Strangechap I look normal on the outside..., Fri 12 Dec 2008, 15:59, closed)

"Since becoming atheist, I've been happier than I ever was as a christian."
Amen, sister!

(Although it took me four years longer than you to come to my senses...)
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 8:35, closed)

Have a click...
...for mentioning the shellfish clause. No doubt too obscure for most people. Have you also committed the mortal sin of wearing a fabric of mixed cotton and wool? (ie, Jeans).

I have no doubt your tale is true!
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 9:52, closed)

Oh you have found me out
Tis true.... those pesky mixed fabrics were always the downfall of my pious life.
(Holy Gabrielle is Holy, Fri 12 Dec 2008, 9:53, closed)