Surviving in Halls
First year was absolutely terrible for the sheer amount of abuse pulled on each other. It all kicked off when Kev arrived back after christmas, 24 packets of Bachelor's finest Super Noodles in tow. This was unacceptable. The first time poor Kevin came to whip up a batch, he found that his loving housemates affectionally poured copious amounts of salt and sugar over the noodles, effectively ruining what would be a delicious meal. Four packets later, Kev gave up, and the house became a much less comfortable place to live in from that point on. So, for your convenience, here are a list of rules and guidelines to living in a student flat:


* Always keep your keys on you at all times. Where possible, hold them tightly in your palm. This is important, as if someone steals them from the soap-holder while you're showering, you will be wearing your towel until they return for the day.

* Keep your room LOCKED at all times. If you fail to acknowledge this rule and happen to be away from the flat, the ramifications are dire. They may include having your entire room packed away as if you were never there, your entire room moved piece by piece to the top floor of the block of flats, or your entire room being neatly compacted into the shower cubicle. If you happen to be IN the flat, perhaps watching TV in the front room with your keys left in your door, then the consequences are still somewhat unfortunate. Be prepared for three sweaty men to barricade themselves in your room and spend the next 12 hours or so eating your entire box of Space Raiders and watching Disney films.

* If it's past bedtime, should some slumbering oaf leave their keys lying around, it is your responsibility to place them into a plastic tupperware container. Now, fill this container with water and simply add it to the freezer. Do not put them in the oven.

* Should someone decide it's appropriate behaviour to wear a hat indoors, simply pluck the offending headwear from the perpetrator's peak, open any nearby window, and discard it.

* Hair Mousse is unacceptable. Fortunately, when such bottles are pierced, they will explode and pretty much cover a room. Lesson learned.

* Shaving foam is unacceptable.

* A wardrobe and a suitably placed chair make for an effective prison.

* It is important to ascertain exactly how far the shower-head can be pulled out, as it may prove to be an effective weapon.

* Always check your toothbrush for little chunks of garlic. If you find little chunks of garlic, you will almost certainly need to replace your toothbrush. Perhaps keep a spare?

* Passing out naked effectively renders your body a whiteboard.

* Before you use the microwave, check the top of it for Blu-tac. Irradiated Blu-tac does not add to the smell of a house, nor is it an acceptable condiment.

* If you're going to eat beans, do not leave half a tin in the already busy fridge unless you want the rest of the beans to taste noticably different. If you can't manage a full tin of beans, then you deserve this difference.



I'm sure there are several more, but I think that's a good start.
(slotbadger, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 10:47, 5 replies)

Or
Don't live with jerks.
( theniwokeup has been awake since, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 11:13, closed)

It was all done in good faith
One of our number was pretty much exempt from such stupidity because he would've gotten all moody.
(slotbadger, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 11:32, closed)

Fair enough
my flat mates like that - will not listen to anyone elses opinion on anything, drives me nuts. Only four months till he moves out though.
( theniwokeup has been awake since, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 16:23, closed)

I lived in halls once upon a time
and there is a very good piece of advice in your post : KEEP YOUR ROOM LOCKED.

In my time I saw someones room rearranged outside on the hall lawn (bed, table, cupboards etc) and someone had their key frozen in a bottle of water.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 11:19, closed)

On your birthday
all of the above apply but more so

I was woken up the morning after my 19th by the Hall Manager asking me where my bed was. I had no idea, I had to steal one to sleep on for the third term.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 13:21, closed)