Conspiracy nutter
A friend of a friend's friend once contacted me out of the blue because he had somehow found out I spent some time working for a pharmaceutical company. His first email appeared relatively sane and I had no idea of the madness to come. His second email was slightly more worrying. He dismissed pretty much all my first hand observations, quoting the deranged and paranoid theories of his circle of conspiracy minded internet chums. As a postscript to his email he also hinted at several other demented notions he subscribed to.

What I should have done is leave it right there and not respond, but I hadn't yet appreciated the depth of his commitment to the crazy ideas he had put forward, and I was tempted into refuting them with self-evident facts and well established scientific truths. What a mistake... I didn't realise that his irrationality and paranoia rivalled David Icke.

I had never come across someone who had bought so completely into every possible wacky internet theory. He had moved from his home in the USA to Mexico because he believed that the American government was attempting mind control by dosing all food and water with psychoactive drugs. He was prepared to believe, based on the most unreliable evidence that government, banks, military and big business are co-operating and conspiring to perpetrate all manner of secret complex and unlikely programmes against the general population.

Here are just a few his notions, roughly in the order they came up;

Powdered silver cures cancer.
Fluoridation is for mind control not dental health.
All cancers are caused by fungal spores.
HIV doesn't cause AIDS
The Pentagon orchestrated 9/11 attacks
Television was created by the military for mind control. (Mind control is a bit of theme of his).
Artificial sweeteners cause birth defects.
MMR causes autism.
Wearing a magnetic wrist-band can cure heart disease.
All wars are started by weapons manufacturers.
The moon landings were faked.
Just about anything you can buy at your local supermarket will give you cancer.
The US government records and transcribes ALL phone conversations.
American pharmaceutical companies conspire with the CIA to secretly drug the population.

And finally... masturbation will make you more intelligent.
( notoolsovernight you're all luvvly an' 'orrible, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 12:34, 15 replies)

Oh god
All cancers are caused by fungal spores != Just about anything you can buy at your local supermarket will give you cancer

I love it when they aren't even internally consistent.
( chthonic, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 12:48, closed)

Hang on...
Was this chap The Daily Mail?
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 13:25, closed)

What a load of toss!
except for the last one, that's okay, although it is still a load of toss...
(RTFM May your god go with you, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 13:36, closed)

What about toothpaste adverts on TV, I bet that's some kind of double negative that cancels out the mind control
and allows you for a brief few seconds to see the real fabric of reality, like Neo waking in his pod only seeing giant lizard overlords instead of machines. And then it's back into the X Factor finals
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 13:45, closed)

Also, what is the science behind the last one? I'd like to know for, um, personal reasons ...

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 13:47, closed)

I have an IQ of 149
and I almost wanked myself Tory during my teens.
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Sun 25 Nov 2012, 22:39, closed)

The last one
will now be the basis for my Phd thesis.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 14:15, closed)

Didn't know the daily mail had a Mexico edition

(OTT, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 14:51, closed)

if masturbation makes you more intelligent
i must know quite a few geniuses
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 15:10, closed)

E=mc^Squirt
( Pig Bodine., Fri 23 Nov 2012, 15:19, closed)

ahahahah

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 15:27, closed)

Oh bravo.
Well internetted.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 17:02, closed)

That's top quality internet, right there.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 23 Nov 2012, 19:07, closed)

You never encountered The Goat, did you?

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:35, closed)