Fire + idiot = panic
I was a young lad of about 13 and already a smoker, which unsurprisingly was not knowledge my parents at the time were privvy to, the aforementioned parents were out for the night and I was on my own in the house and had decided that there was a decent enough window to get drunk before they came home, a feat I had quite well achived by about 9pm. In a drunken state I decided that I needed a crafty smoke outside of the house, to do this all that I needed was to fill my zippo, luckly the lighter fluid is in the empty stone floored larder. In my rather cidered state I go about refiling the lighter, at which point I proceed to zone out for a while overfilling the lighter and pouring fluid on the floor. Brain being on holiday I then test the lighter setting fire to both hands, which in a shock causes me to drop the lighter setting fire to my socks and feet. The human torch runs from the larder through the kitchen and out into the garden afraid of leaving drunken firey footprints as he goes. Finally I make it to the garden and whilst every logical part of my brain should be say roll in the grass it is now saying pond and yep I listen and jump into the about three foot deep pond, (nicely pucturing the lino inside) leaving me thrashing like a one of the fish I have depoisited out of the pond onto the grass finally finishing with the coup de grass (tee-hee) of launching the apple tainted contents of my stomach onto our lawn. As I haul myself out of the pond and sit up to ascertain what damage I have managed to do to myself (thankfully little) and the pond (not so little, sorry fish) I make sure that no one in the ajoining houses have seen their darkness pierced by the worlds most stupid firework, luckly I had not, it was at this point I remembered the larder and comically lumber-ran back into the house.
(Syndex, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 16:48, 3 replies)

I feel your pain.
Mainly from reading about it.
(TheColonel, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 17:03, closed)

I take it that you kept your commas in the larder, and they all got burnt

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 2 Feb 2011, 17:39, closed)

Excellent
(BeatsWork, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 8:06, closed)

'world's most stupid firework'
click
(lopezthecatkiller has not killed a cat since....., Thu 3 Feb 2011, 11:32, closed)