50 shades of Tampax
Saturday night she's on her period but she's obviously kind of horny anyway, so she starts grabbing my dick and making out and we decide we're gonna bang anyway. So I put a towel down to keep from bloodying the bed, put a condom on, and I'm ready to go. I pull off her panties and immediately I notice there's a pad attached to them... a little off-putting but I ignore it and toss it to the side.

I'm right about to stick it in dat when she says "wait, I still have a tampon in." I'm like "wtf, go to the bathroom and take it out!" Then what she says next truly, deeply shocks and disturbs me: "I want YOU to take it out." At this point I'm stunned. How can she possibly think this is something acceptable to ask of a man who's already going out of his way to have sex with you despite your sickening, bloody vag? I first think she's joking, but she makes it clear she's not only turned on by the idea of me removing it, but expects that I should be turned on too. Then the following exchange occurs:

Me: "How could you POSSIBLY think this would be something I'd want to do? Are you insane?"

Her: "But that's what they do in the book!"

Me: "WHAT BOOK???"

Her: "FIFTY SHADES OF GREY!"

Now I realize she's gotten the idea from that pornographic book she's reading. What the Twilight series did for women's romantic expectations, this new series has done for their sexual expectations. She tells me she just put the tampon in like 20 minutes ago so it should be pretty much clean. I swallow my pride and, still wanting to have sex despite it all, I pull the string. The thing is drenched in blood. It's like a horror movie. I go flush it down the toilet and sit back down on the bed, my erection completely gone. I tell her I don't think I can do this now. She begs for a couple of minutes still wanting that heizenberg wang and eventually she manages to arouse me again and we do it.
(Daw the Cunt Deffiency in keeping Wind since 1970, Mon 26 May 2014, 22:00, 12 replies)

She didn't ask you to do it with your teeth for christ's sake.
Next time ask her if she would want to pull a tampon out of you.
Then shame her into it.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 27 May 2014, 1:24, closed)

Replies to win!

(mankwhistle, Tue 27 May 2014, 3:03, closed)

bless ... imagine her disappointment pulling out a loaded tampon and replacing it with your twiggy little member
no wonder she's resorted to reading wanknovels.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 27 May 2014, 14:41, closed)

I think your love for bloodied muff baffles most other men here.
I imagine that you're like a shark, driven to a frenzy by the scent of blood.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 27 May 2014, 15:38, closed)

dunno what that means soz

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 27 May 2014, 15:49, closed)

That's a somewhat inadequate response,
in my opinion.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 27 May 2014, 16:45, closed)

yeah ... but I don't know what that means ... soz

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 27 May 2014, 19:20, closed)

Alzheimer's setting in, eh?
There, there...
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 27 May 2014, 20:35, closed)

possibly ... or you just make no sense lol i dunno

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 27 May 2014, 22:29, closed)

You fucking prude

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 27 May 2014, 20:40, closed)

Just close your eyes...
And under your breath, say "One-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-one thousand" and just yank the rip cord.

Then bugger her.
(Rsoles, Tue 27 May 2014, 22:56, closed)

Blockage
Next time, regardless of whether you remove the tampon by hand or with your teeth, please don't flush it down the toilet. They have a tendency to block sewerage pipes (or the toilet itself).

www.stwater.co.uk/sewer/
(ersiffly, Wed 28 May 2014, 17:18, closed)