I was a strange child.
Apologies about this post, it's a wee bit off topic but bear with me.

To give you some background, i was a young Axai (about 15). I was bullied at school, had low self confidence and to top it all off i was a geek.
Woo and (dare i say it) yay?
Not quite, life at school was pretty awful for me. Teachers were able to do nothing, parents were able to do nothing and if they did it'd only make it worse.
I couldn't do anything but stick through it.... What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger... right? Right.

Then i met a girl who i shall refer to as S. She was lovely, at least to my semi-pubescent mind. She was the first girl that ever paid attention to me, she showed me
respect and treated me kindly. The whole week was a blur, i'd met up with her on friday and had a bit of a cuddle. I. Was. In. Heaven.

Until Sunday...

When i spoke to her, she told me that it couldn't go on (in hindsight there wasn't much happening anyway!). I was distraught, all the evils of the world were crawling back
at me again, grasping at the wall that i'd managed to mentally build up against my oppressors. To a 15 year old mind, this is most upsetting.
I asked her why this was necessary and pleaded, you all know the deal. She calmly said to me I'm Mormon, i can't date non mormons.

Uh? Fucksocks.

Can you see where this is going? You can? Well good. For the uninitiated, i actually spent more time with this girl and her nut-job family. It took abut 3 months in total, but they
actually managed to brainwash me into joining. I'm a very strong minded, opinionated atheist and always have been, how she managed this atrocity against my free will
i will never understand. The fact remains. I had converted to mormonism. My friends, family and acquaintances supported me in my endeavor to become a religious type.
They tried to make me see sense, but didn't once say i was wrong. Now, hit the fast forward button...

~~~ Two Years Later ~~~

I'm still a mormon but i'm getting unhappy with it. The rose tinted vision has worn off and i'm telling people what i think of them. I'm having discussions with the bishop *fnarr*.
I'm not being a good christian boy. Oh dear. It's time to cut this one loose, thinks I. I grew my hair long, i split up with my girlfriend but as some of you may know, getting a church to dump you is a very, very difficult thing.
I left the church. They showed up on Sunday mornings in their cars, knocking on my door. "Martin are you coming to church today?" "You're slipping off the beaten path"....

I cut off all contact with them, my ex decided to try and contact me, to get me back to church. I didn't want to know. What does a church do when they want to get you back? They send in the Missionaries!
Now, if you don't know what Mormon Missionaries are like, think opinionated 18 year olds with a devout, logic defying belief in god. It's scary. They came round to my house, they sat on my sofa. They started to
preach the gospel to me and why i was going to hell. I told them to get to fuck (thanks b3ta). I explained very politely why i thought it was all crock (Thanks Richard Dawkins). I gave them hell and i've never, never
given someone such a good verbal slamming. (Remember, i am a shy computer geek!).

Now i have cut off all communication with them, i have a lovely girlfriend who i adore. We are going to barbados on monday. I'll be coming to a b3ta bash with her, (my first ever!). I hope to see you all there.

Sorry, this was rather long. *fnarr*
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 21:55, 9 replies)

You were
Mormon-ated?

Is that episode of South Park true?
About golden magic books, and a hat?

*clicks*
( Cawl, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 0:16, closed)

There's a B3ta bash in Barbados?
Why didn't anyone tell me? : (
( girlinthehole, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 8:22, closed)

Kaol:
Golden book, yes true.
Southpark episode, yes VERY true.


The only thing that is false is that they don't have more than one wife!

I'm not mormon anymore... yay...

And no, not a bash in barbados, going to the bash when we get back :)
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 9:35, closed)

church dumping?
I left mine cos guilty conscience ridden white middle class surrey-ites with too much money didnt really do it for me, god or no god. They didn't come chasing me at 9am on a sunday thank fuck, but then i wasn't really surprised at that
(Flobby Boris is returned to /talk from the northern wastes., Sat 7 Jun 2008, 10:36, closed)

@Axai
I was just joshing : )
( girlinthehole, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 12:58, closed)

@BGB
Haha, i'm not that dense! Of course i knew you were pulling my leg...

I could setup a b3ta bash there though.

Who wants to join me?
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 15:03, closed)

Congratulations...
On your re-conversion to humanity. The hivemind is not for everyone - or for anyone, really. And, you lucky devil, enjoy Barbados!
(aeon chicken Like the Millenium Falcon, only slower and noisier, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 22:34, closed)

Bit off topic but spooky nontheless...
I just read your story, then went out to the shops to get some milk. I was stopped on the street and engaged in conversation by none other than a group of...

Mormon Missionaries!

Maybe they've infiltrated b3ta?

*looks around in panic*

*holds up MS Paint drawing of giant magenta cock as a shield*
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Sun 8 Jun 2008, 16:04, closed)

Just incase nobody has seen this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=zy0d1HbItOo

My ex was a Mormon, this made us laugh many a time.
(Laxly, Tue 10 Jun 2008, 21:44, closed)