Pandas etc
I'm always getting emails from well meaning colleagues telling me that there are only 12 pandas left in the world or that the spotted sand crake in Mongolia is in danger of extinction. Accordingly, I should send a letter to the Chinese government - which will no doubt be read with great interest by the totalitarian regime that allows hundreds of thousands of its own people to die each year.

Pandas deserve to die. Look at the evidence:

1) Natural camouflage? Yup - stark black and white is great for bamboo forests.
2) Procreational activity? Yup - but only if a team of scientists spends years squeezing out a drop of panda jizz and inserting it with a turkey baster and incubating the young once they're immediately miscarried.
3) Easily accessible diet? Yup - provided they can get hold of fifty tonnes of bamboo shoots every single day in forests depleted by their own ravenous appetites.
4) Natural predators? - Yup - unless you count four billion Chinese who prize panda gonads for fertility pills.
5) Evolutionary suitability? Yup - the perfect morphology for a tree-climbing mammal is a fucking great fat bear.

Pandas are an evolutionary joke. Let 'em die.
(Brand name, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:38, 28 replies)

Hahahahahahahahahahaha
I like this.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:41, closed)

I really couldn't agree more!
The thing that pisses me off the most is the fact they're engineered to be a carnivourous animal and yet they insist on being vegetarian. And, as a result, have to eat shedloads of bamboo to get by.

Panda's should fuck off, come back, and fuck off again.
(Panteneman Isn't entirely sure why he bothered on, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:42, closed)

If I may quote Fight Club,
"I want to shoot every panda that refuses to fuck and save it's own species"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 10:46, closed)

I have been saying this for years!
Panda's may be cute but they are also shite at exisiting! Let them die out I say!
(superkitty is neither super nor a kitty, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:23, closed)

yay!
Can we do this with humans too, can we _please_ ?
No more if this bloody IVF nonsense, and we can get rid of childhood vaccinations too.

If you're too crap to live, just die out already.
Father Darwin's children...
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 11:41, closed)

Yeah!
A funny post about pandas naturally leads to ending vaccination and IVF. That was my first thought as well!

(or it would have been if I too were a bad parody of a 1900's eugenicist)
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 12:03, closed)

Goodness
I sound like a bad parody ?
Some kind of over the top, outrageously stereotyped advocate of an opinion set so objectionable that I _surely_ can't be taking it seriously ?

Job done then.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 11:54, closed)

No... because WE evolved into animals capable of inventing such things in order to survive.
Panda's never invented artificial insemination. In fact, they've contributed fuck all in the way of scientific advancements. Cunts.
(Mr Eraserhead Why aren't you a lemon?, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 12:38, closed)

I agree!
We must destroy all the hospitals, execute all the doctors, and burn every last trace of medicinal science of the face of the Earth!

It's the only way to restore good hard evolution
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Sat 13 Nov 2010, 1:53, closed)

There's an obvious question here. If they are as shite at shagging as they appear why would anyone be interested in their gonads as a fertility aid?

Yes, cute and cuddly as pandas appear to be, they're a Darwinian joke.
(Wibblist Last said "Wibble" on, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 12:14, closed)

I hate pandas too.
Waste of time and money saving them.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 12:18, closed)

Agreed
Furry, lazy, bamboo munching cunts
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 12:20, closed)

aahhhh chooooo.....


(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 13:03, closed)

I think the big one
is just surprised to see the little ones still alive
(Fleximus Rex briefly gave up lurking on, Wed 17 Nov 2010, 6:40, closed)

Pandas
also seem to be making several people in this thread forget how to use apostrophes, for which alone they deserve to perish.
(jennymnemonic, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 13:51, closed)

Surely you mean
apostrophe's

:-)
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 14:38, closed)

haha your a looser to

(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 15:57, closed)

Your all gay

(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 16:08, closed)

Can you be more pacific?

( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 16:10, closed)

only if you stop waisting our time with silly questions

(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 16:19, closed)

Part of the problem...
... is that pandas only eat bamboo when they're *really really hungry*. Mostly they lay off the bamboo and eat monkeys.

What did you think those big pointy teeth were for?
(gordonjcp, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 14:20, closed)

get one of these
www.cafepress.co.uk/atomicflip/2721383
(unclestinky, Sun 14 Nov 2010, 0:46, closed)

yeah!
fuck 'em!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 12 Nov 2010, 15:06, closed)

Not clicking this
Because pandas are far too cute.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 12 Nov 2010, 18:46, closed)

And while we're about it
antiwhale.org/site/
Blubbery buffoons of the sea.
(unclestinky, Sun 14 Nov 2010, 1:05, closed)

and
www.network54.com/Forum/12140/message/966353661/WHALES-+VERMIN+OF+THE+OCEAN!
(unclestinky, Sun 14 Nov 2010, 12:26, closed)

I'm with you!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANg7iPu9DAg
(KipperMinge has been watching out for the penguins since, Mon 15 Nov 2010, 10:23, closed)

excellent!
I need a new coat!

But seriously, I used to have one. They are crap - crashed it into a tree.

Click
(Suck it and Sea, Tue 16 Nov 2010, 9:34, closed)