Ooh going back to November 2007...
... was seeing my then ex, who lived in East London. We'd only been seeing each other for about a month, so as you can imagine we were using any god-given opportunity to do filthy things to each other. One week I had my youngest sister visit me from back home, which meant that I could not see my bloke as I had to be 'responsible' older sis.

He didn't like this.

So one evening when I was at my place with her, he drives over and tells me to come out to the car so we can chat at least. I tell my housemate to keep an eye on my sibling urchin and run to my bloke's Mini cabriolet. Oh yes.

We went for a little spin and parked up on some random residential street off Green Lanes in Harringey and started to have a bit of a fumble. Minis are... mini, and the windows quickly began to fog up. we also could not do much in the passenger seats so he suggested that I get in the back and he would follow.

Fucking hell, the cramp! I honestly felt like my right leg was being sawn in half as I squeezed my ample arse between the passenger seats. I was trying hard to not squeal out in pain, wanting to look elegant as I scratched the upholstery to pieces in his beloved little mobile fuck-box.

Anyway, I managed in the end and sat there waiting for his majesty to grace me with his penisly presence, and he certainly did a slightly more graceful entrance (fner) than I. We got down to it, him sort of on top of me, me trying to lift my right leg and put it in any conceivable position that would not cause the cramp to kick in again. All going well, we're going for about ten mins and my thighs started to ache. I made one TINY move of the right leg and the cramp hit me like Pole driving a VW the wrong way up the M1. My leg shot out and I kicked the roof near the front of the car. I'm shouting all manner of obscenities, my bloke wondering what the hell is going on, his old chap suddenly starting to look very feeble.

What we had not noticed in the commotion is that I had managed to hit the button to make the roof go back... and it was about halfway through it's descent, too late to bring it back. Bloke's hairy white arse had the moonlight being reflected off it, and I was legs akimbo in the back of a fucking Mini.

That's not the worst bit. Walking up to the car along the lovely, quaint residential street was a middle-aged couple walking their dog. I don't know what they looked like, I had my eyes clamped fucking shut. My bloke responded in the only way he could.

He farted.

I started crying.
(LadyTramp79 Left a bit, right a bit..., Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:39, 8 replies)

Bravo!
Straight out of a Carry On film! Click.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 23 Apr 2009, 15:58, closed)

Hahaha
This^
I don't suppose your bra popped off and landed on the dog's head?

Nice post kid
(TheColonel, Fri 24 Apr 2009, 10:59, closed)

God no!
I just remember hearing the gasp from the woman and stuttered 'Oh my god!' From the bloke... folowed by my bloke's arse quacking like a baby duck...
(LadyTramp79 Left a bit, right a bit..., Fri 24 Apr 2009, 19:29, closed)

My thoughts precisely
:)
( chart cat has an itch, Sat 25 Apr 2009, 5:53, closed)

Hahahahaha!!!
I lol'ed!
*click*
( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Thu 23 Apr 2009, 21:48, closed)

i used to live there!!
when i was a student, we had a house on duckett road, it wasn't that one by any chance, was it?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 26 Apr 2009, 8:16, closed)

Sorry m'luv...
...I have no idea! I know we drove around for ages trying to find a spot, crawling along the residential streets, so that looked dodgy in itself! :-S
(LadyTramp79 Left a bit, right a bit..., Sun 26 Apr 2009, 10:39, closed)

Brilliant
*clicks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Apr 2009, 11:16, closed)