Chavs. Buses. Phones. R n'B.
I think you can see where this is going.

However, I have been in a position to exact revenge on these scumbags on two occasions.

1 - Bus 65, Kingston-Ealing. Two teenage girls start their ridiculous tinny warbling from their stupid walkie talkies.

"Please turn that off" say I.
"Fuck off" say they.
"I don't want to listen to that" say I.
"It's a free country, innit? You can't stop us" say they.

In my bag, I have the following:

*An MP3 player full of the latest rockin thrash metal sounds.
*A pair of battery powered speakers.
*Balls of steel.

Cue, as a starter, "Army of Me" by Chimaria, a fine, rousing tune if ever there was one. Especially when turned up to 11.

"Turn that shit off" say they.
"Free country, innit?" say I.

After about 5 minutes (during which the deafening musical selection had changed to the soothing tones of "I will be heard" by Hatebreed) they turned off their phones. So did I.

2 - Bus 418, Kingston-Epsom

Similar scenario, this time 4 girls about 13 years of age.

This time, however, my armament was different, comprising:

*An acoustic guitar.
*Two mates.
*Three skinfuls of beer, shared out between us.

It's amazing how long three pissed blokes can keep up a rousing chorus of "I've got a song that'll get on your nerves." And as we were all musicians, we did the harmonies, and the secret second verse, which goes "We've got a song that'll piss off some chavs."

So if you're on a bus in South-West London, some chav is playing shitty music from their phone, and no-one else can help, maybe you can hire:

Axeman Jim and his weapons of sonic doom.
(Axeman Jim, Thu 29 May 2008, 17:07, 11 replies)

I hate the 65

i would have thrown my change at you like the busker in shining armour you are.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 May 2008, 17:13, closed)

ooh
record the "I've got a song..." as an mp3 and upload, and we can all have it on our mobiles.

The fight back begins here!
( rofl harris, Thu 29 May 2008, 17:18, closed)

@mrgribbles
Good idea! I think in a death metal stylee, punctuated with the sound of vomiting.
(Axeman Jim, Thu 29 May 2008, 17:21, closed)

Why is it
that this problem is so bad around Kingston?

I lived in Peckham for years and barely had to put up with this at all, but in Kingston it's rife.
( Moey, Thu 29 May 2008, 17:24, closed)

Me Likey
....have a click
(UncleChuckles "Cthulhu fhtagn", Thu 29 May 2008, 17:25, closed)

You see, I'd do this too...
Though given my instrument of choice I'd rather not lug a bloody piano about.

*click*
(Speedyjx, Fri 30 May 2008, 2:58, closed)

Never mind the music
You keep your balls in your bag?

And, is that Bjork's Army of Me? *googles* Yes, it is. That's actually kind of cool.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Fri 30 May 2008, 11:04, closed)

@Emily
It's a different song, with the same name. I always used to think the same!

As for deafening chav's with Chimaira, been there, done that, and it's still wonderful! I used "Resurrection" though, Woo!

As for the "I've got a song...", that made me laugh like a utter loon, which alerted my boss. I am now awaiting a disciplinary because i've been caught on the internet again! Ah well!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 30 May 2008, 11:59, closed)

Confusingly,
Caliban, who toured with Chimaria, covered the Bjork song.
(Axeman Jim, Sat 31 May 2008, 1:00, closed)

@Speedyjx
Two words: Casio Keyboard.
(Axeman Jim, Sat 31 May 2008, 1:01, closed)

Oh, I love you
I hated getting the bus to Kingston from Feltham. I think that it was the number 10. Always packed and always trapped in traffic.
(Greendog I like big boobies and I cannot lie, Wed 4 Jun 2008, 23:13, closed)