Stornoway
Oh dearie me. The Western Isles, staunchly Protestant and bible adhereing. I went there once to install a network. Got to my B&B, had a cup of tea and asked the landlady where I might get something to eat.

"Well, there's Mrs. McGlinchie's Tea Shop in town. Just past THE DEVIL HOTEL!!!"

Devil hotel, eh? That sounds like the very dab. So I head off to "Mrs. McGlinchie's". But I got seduced by THE DEVIL HOTEL LOUNGE BAR. I've been in some dives in my time, but this was one of the most dispiriting "lounge" bars I've ever been in. Dimly lit, no windows, the only sign of humour coming from the Sky TV at one side, showing "Fox's Grimmest Funerals." Sticky carpet. But, a drink's a drink, I've got a per diem and the B&B is cheap, leaving the balance for lager and Marlboro. Several beers later, I notice something really odd. Most pubs, behind the bar, there's crisps and nuts. This place had the largest selection of mints, toothpaste and breath fresheners I'd seen since I worked in the stockroom at Boots. By now it's 9ish, so I decide to go and get a meal. Everything was shut. Everything. The Happy Fun Time Chinese shut at 5pm weekdays, 6pm Saturday, closed all day Sunday. Everything was shut. So, I trudged back to the B&B with a consolation pack of Fox' Glacier Mints, to be met by my landlady, who had stayed up well past her normal bed-time of 8pm to offer me a scone, a cup of tea and a really filthy look at the Spawn of Satan who'd come to stay under her roof.
Happy day, happy day...
(Haviland drinking like they're going to ban beer., Fri 30 Oct 2009, 10:38, 4 replies)

I take it
this was a sunday evening?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 30 Oct 2009, 11:23, closed)

I must enter a subject.
It was a Thursday - ramping up for the weekend, but I got the plane back the next afternoon.
(Haviland drinking like they're going to ban beer., Fri 30 Oct 2009, 12:18, closed)

Ah, she must be a fundimentalist then
It comes from the appalling alcoholism on the island.

My uncle spent his last his last minutes in Stornoway, or to be more accurate Stornoway harbour. Fully clothed, struggling to tread water in the freezing February waters he looked up at at his pisshead mates gathered next to the moored trawlers and said his last words

"come on in the water's lovely"

Dumb fucker.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:48, closed)

I worked
in stornoway for a few weeks with Onetel. I didnt think it was all that bad.

Was a tad strange though, but i put that down to the low poulation and remoteness. For instance in the office we all decided to get takeaway pizza for lunch. We called the number, and 15 minutes later a woman arrived, with a what looked like a pie... on a plate wrapped in tin foil. The local Takeaway was some woman we called at her home.

It really wasnt that nice, and was simply a bit of everything on bread covered in cheese.

"return the plate on your way home", she said to the receptionist on her way out.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 13:02, closed)