Another nomination for Luton
Ah, Luton a pestilent, foaming boil of a town that clings to the perpetual traffic jam otherwise known as the M1.

I feel that I should provide some context here by qualifying my choice - I spent my formative years with Newport as the nearest large town to us and thus is was the scene of all my youthful binge drinking and suchlike. Newport is a place that gets slagged off by people from Coventry. Think about that for a moment and bear in mind this very salient fact while I use my severely limited writing ability to try and paint you a picture that conveys even the merest hint of the horrors that lie in wait for you should you end up living in Luton.

Through a combination of laziness, apathy and naievety (well, laziness to be honest) I decided to go to Luton and do a computer science degree, figuring that by attending a crap uni I could do the absolute minimum of actual work, focusing instead on the vital activity of drinking and still stroll away from there with a degree. I was almost right. It soon became apparent that I had a grave miscalculation, because Luton is miserable shitpit where the only possible escape from the relentless assault of negativity and depression that the place inspires is to be found in drink and drugs. Quite aside from being a concrete monstrosity dominated by the sort of 60s town planning and architectural features that result in grotty Arndale shopping centres, concrete tower block, enormous piss filled multi-story car parks all thrown together with the sort of care and attention to usual associate with ADHD raddled children trying to use lego it was a town ravaged by poverty (tahnks Vauxhall!) and racial tension. Never before or since I have lived somewhere where there was such an atmosphere of simmering resentment, and despair. The resultant violent crime statistics told their own story, as did the bi-annual gang fight that always seemed to break out outside one the towns two large nightclubs. If you imagine the levels of chav-dom, crime and general scumminess inherent in whatever you chosen shite-town is and multiply it a few times then you'll come close to beginning to understand the putrid boil that is Luton.

The place should be nuked from space, it's ashes gathered up and fired into the sun and entire area cordoned off for several centuries. The sole redeeming feature of the place was a curry house called Meahs - but even that isn't enough to save it.
(barnaby_kettleworth, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 14:24, 5 replies)

sounds like you need some cognitive therapy to help you deal with this trauma
I can sense tension and mental anguish in your writings
(gspgirl Sleeping with Prince Valium, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 16:49, closed)

it's not too bad
especially when there is some excelent b3tans living in the town.
( hooker1uk Filth monger of the lowest degree!, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 19:44, closed)

i think
you write pretty well innnit
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 21:16, closed)

I used to work in Iceland
in the town centre. Good god it was awful, not only the job but the local peasants. So glad to be away from there but i have to go back at xmas and i'm dreading it. Undoubtably my old mates will drag me kicking and screaming to the Whitehouse. Is it still there? How about brannigans? What old slag hole hole.
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Wed 4 Nov 2009, 23:20, closed)

Branigans
Oh god. Brannigans. Fetch the mind-bleach immediately. I saw things in there that would help form a convincing case for the extinction of humanity on the grounds that we are base creatures unfit to be blessed with conciousness. It's amazing that people can get that drunk, yes still somehow remain conciousness enough to debase themselves so thoroughly.

I wasted years of my life in the whitehouse, but then again my halls were across the road from it and the drinks were filthy cheap, so you can hardly blame me. Some bloke tried selling me crack in the toilets there once; this was at four in the afternoon on a wednesday. Don't know why, but I've always assumed crack to be more of an evening type of drug.

I assume they're still there, but I left Luton for good (and with great haste) about six years ago.
(barnaby_kettleworth, Thu 5 Nov 2009, 10:00, closed)