You're doing it wrong...
I have a friend with a very 'odd' aunt and uncle. Now the stories I've heard of these people are very amusing but one in particular springs to mind now. Apparently, they'd been trying for a baby for about two years,and being the good Catholics they were, had been abstaining up until this point (I know, I don't get it either). Any way, after all of this time they bit the bullet, and decided to go and have fertility tests etc. So off the went and got things squirted into cups and thing observed and the results were that they were both wonderfully fertile humans who should have no trouble whatsoever conceiving. This seemed a little odd, so they went back to their GP, who was now a fairly close friend who suggested maybe it was something to do with the environment or method in which they were engaging in said nookie. He referred them to a sex therapist friend of his. Now being the stalwart prudish Catholics that they were it took a few sessions before they opened up to her. It turns out that after all of this time, they'd been doing it wrong... Now the first image is that he'd been putting it in the wrong hole, am I right? Oh no, he'd been putting it in no hole at all... They'd just been having 'a bit of a rub' for two years. God knows what they thought the shit squirting out of his manminge was...
( crazygibbon all your monster munch are belong to us, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 10:51, 7 replies)

urban legends, GO!
Although I do recall one about a shy Japanese couple who were married for 16 years before plucking up the courage to do the sexy thing, and they got so excited by it they both died of heart attacks. True* story

*not true
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 11:00, closed)

Yeah I thought that too
I kind of wanted it to be real though having met them. If you'd met them, you'd believe it too...
( crazygibbon all your monster munch are belong to us, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 11:18, closed)

I think part of the problem
was that he squirts shit from his cock.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 11:09, closed)

My devout Christian neighbour...
...told my wife she'd only ever had sex twice in her life, both times to procreate.

That's really sad because she's got fantastic norks.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 26 Sep 2008, 11:43, closed)

This happens in 'Catch 22'
and it's very funny - the doctor explains sex to the couple in great detail, using male and female anatomical models that're kept in separate cupboards to avoid scandal.

The couple look at each other in puzzlement, not quite believing it.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 29 Sep 2008, 20:29, closed)