Does anyone remember those school playground poo ditties?

Diarrhoea,
Diarrhoea,
Comes out your bum, like Pedigree Chum!

Diarrhoea,
Diarrhoea,
Comes out you bum like a bullet from a gun!

Diarrhoea,
Diarrhoea,
Comes out your ass, and it feels like you shat glass!

OK, I'll stop now. But, ever since I started reading this QOTW I have had these fucking rhymes going around my head.
(LadyTramp79 Left a bit, right a bit..., Thu 3 Apr 2008, 14:41, 11 replies)

Yup :D
When you're climbing up a tree
And it's sliding down your knee
Diarrhoea
Diarrhoea

You know it's beyond hope
When you haven't any soap
Diarrhoea
Diarrhoea

Many more versions were come up with. A bit like making up new verses for the "leprosy" song (to the tune of "Yesterday" by John Lennon)
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 14:49, closed)

Forgot about this song!
When you're on the way home and your pants are full of foam!
Diarrhoea,
Diarrhoea,

When you're looking at a bird and you feel a juicy turd!
Diarrhoea,
Diarrhoea,
(Errorist, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 14:57, closed)

Diarrhoea
When you're walking through the jungle
and you hear your tummy rumble
Diarrhoea,
Diarrhoea.

I was talking to my dad
and it came out real bad
Diarrhoea,
Diarrhoea.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 15:17, closed)

I vaguely remember Bob Fossil's version
but the one that springs to mind is:

What do you do when you need the loo
In an English country garden?
Pull down your pants and fertilise the plants
In an English country garden.

Can't remember the rest though.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 15:33, closed)

Or to the best known tune in the world...
Happy Birthday to you
I went to the loo
I did a big jobby
And it looked just like you!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 15:34, closed)

@k626
That's to the tune of "Country Garden" by Percy Grainger, a thoroughly underrated composer.

Edit: And the version I know goes "pull down your pants and suffocate the ants"
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 15:35, closed)

@BobFossil
Yes, that's the one!

Sorry, I didn't mean that it was to the same tune as the diarrhoea song - my mind just started going!

For some reason Terry Wogan just entered my mind (not physically!) but it was because he sang the Floral Dance, which my neurons have associated with gardens.

I'm talking shite now. I'll stop.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 15:43, closed)

!
He sounds like a, um, colourful character...

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Percy_Grainger
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 15:44, closed)

.
Get out a spade and bury what you made.
(in an English country garden).
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 15:44, closed)

When you're
walking up a mountain it comes out in a fountain!
Diarrhoea,
Diarrhoea!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 16:42, closed)

.
I was doing a sum and something trickled down my bum, diarrhoea, diarrhoea...
(and now for someone completely different, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 17:17, closed)