Not *quite* shoplifting, but still...
A fair while back, I got talking to an older fella in a pub and I ended going around his flat every week for two years to have a few beers and a natter (he was 65, and had the mind of a twenty year old. A right laugh, just couldn't get out much.)

Anyway, I invariably ended up introducing him to my mate Chris. Now Chris is in the RAF and one of the traditions of his flight is that he gets a 'souvenir' from every new place he goes to, which can get a bit fucking daft as you can imagine.

Well anyway, he wants something from Dave's flat. And I'm having none of it - I'm quite protective of Dave, he's a laugh as I said but for fucks sake, he's an old man, and there's no way I'm letting Chris take anything from the place. I warned him on the way in the car, and once again at the door. No. Fucking. Stealing.

The night progresses well. I'm keeping one eye on Chris's hands. Safely in his lap, or holding his beer. No sign of thievery.

It's time to say goodnight. We say bye and get in the lift. Chris looks glum, leaving so empty handed. I thank him for actually not taking anything and he just grunts. I'm satisfied.

I go to my battered old Escort and unlock the door. It's central locking, so the boot is now unlocked - and as I get in, Chris has opened the boot and is frantically trying to stuff something in.

"What the fuck...?" I begin, but Chris is already in the passenger seat, having managed to cram the mystery object into the boot, his face a picture of Hindu Cow calmness.

He told me what it was so I wouldn't have to get out, but still I couldn't quite believe it until I popped the boot and took a look.



The twunt didn't even want it in the end, he asked me to 'look after it'.

Once he nicked a full life size cardboard cutout of Gandalf the Grey from a skip outside Blockbuster, too. We had to get it home poking out the sunroof. He kept that one, though.

Apologies for length, it's my first post.
(oneltrchardonnay, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:13, 3 replies)

I have a cardboard cutout of Spyro the Dragon that's taller than I am.
It was a bastard getting that home and up two flights of stairs, I tell you.
( Bob Todd whee, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:22, closed)

shoplifting
I am now very jealous your mate is indeed a fingersmith,not a shoplifter.
(swampi thought of this, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:24, closed)

Reminds me a bit of that Reeves & Mortimer sketch
where Tom and Derek find a skip, and Derek has a lot of fun with a cardboard cutout of Bryan Adams for while.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 17 Jan 2008, 1:48, closed)