My brother growing up wasn’t actually my brother, he was my cousin
His parents died in a car crash when we were little, so he lived with us most of my childhood. Since we were both just babies when it happened, neither of us really knew his parents. I guess I never really considered him a cousin at all, more of a brother, but he didn’t seem to think that kindly of me. I think that was because my parents tried to spoil me rotten and couldn’t care less for him – something about my Mum and his having a falling out when they were teenagers.

We never really got along that well when we were kids, sibling rivalry and all that. I was in all kinds of sports and he basically stayed inside reading all the time and didn’t try to make any friends. I will admit I was friends with some bullies, which I regret fully now; and my friends always picked on him because he was pale and scrawny. To his credit, he did win some fights and he was an amazingly fast runner, so I didn’t worry about defending him. I think it made him tougher, later in life he and I even got attacked one time in an alley in the bad part of town and he defended us both while I promptly pissed myself. Not my proudest moment, but it proves all the childhood bullying just helped him later in life! Or so I tell myself.

Anyway, when we were about 11, this old creepy guy started sending him things in the mail, feeding him bullshit about his parents. He had apparently known them and done all kinds of drugs with them back in the 70s. My Dad tried to keep the paedo away, but since my cousin was starving for friends, he ended up going to a different school where he could be closer to his “mentor.” His parents must have handed down their drug addiction, because every summer when he came back from school he had even more delusions of grandeur and crazy ideas in his head. I got a little scared of him for a few years there, even started trying to avoid him when he came home for breaks.

It just went downhill from there; he even helped an escaped convict evade the police and joined a group of violent vigilantes! He and his friends protested some politician they thought was evil, saying he drank unicorn blood and wild things like that. They eventually got the politician assassinated, and I've always secretly had my suspicions that my cousin may have had more to do with this than he claims.

He has since settled down and had some kids, and we still send the occasional Christmas card, and our kids get along much better than we ever did. I try to keep an ear out when our families spend time together in case he tries to poison the minds of my little ones with his talks of wizardry and saving the world from Voldemort, but so far he's stayed on the straight and narrow.

Love,
Dudley
(b3kaMN, Wed 7 Jan 2009, 16:18, 9 replies)

You had
me there right up to unicorn blood
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Wed 7 Jan 2009, 16:43, closed)

I grew suspicious at
"something about my Mum and his having a falling out when they were teenagers" but didn't fully get it until "he defended us both while I promptly pissed myself"!
Still, well written and entertaining, I like this.
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Wed 7 Jan 2009, 19:54, closed)

Nice
You had me until the third para
(cheez is feeling ergophobic, Wed 7 Jan 2009, 20:31, closed)

Yup, same for me...
... got it at unicorn blood. Nice one, though ;-)
(gordonjcp, Wed 7 Jan 2009, 21:30, closed)

Crawls out of bunker
Did I miss some books or films or what?
(Biff..., Wed 7 Jan 2009, 21:36, closed)

Harry Potter!
Fucking love it.
(lei, Wed 7 Jan 2009, 23:13, closed)

like it
I got it when you said about 'my Mum and his having a falling out when they were teenagers', (probably means I know it too well) but still like it, makes a change from all the star wars ones.
(europe-who, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 0:59, closed)

Top foolery there!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:30, closed)

...
I have no idea what you're talking about.
( Moey, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:32, closed)