tim, the asian fetishist
You know when someone tells you a story about someone scary, and there's a point where they say "alarm bells should have rung"? Well, I'm an idiot, and I can honestly say that the alarm bells rung the entire time when I knew this person, and I was - ashamed too say - too starved for friendship to hear them.

Let's call him Tim, for that was his name.

Tim found me via myspace on my university's mini-site. I'm really not fussed with meeting people off the internet, so it didn't worry me. He mentioned that he'd seen me at a particular building at a particular time and went searching for me by trawling through the journalism students on myspace. Hmm... kinda weird. But I don't have many friends at uni, so I welcomed the company. BIG MISTAKE.

Tim and I then struck up a sort of friendship. He was a funny, smart chap, but also a bit clingy, had a very self-depreciating personality and was completely pussy-whipped. Now, I'm pretty socially retarded myself, so I didn't worry too much about it. I'm also an idiot.

After a while, I realised that most of Tim's "best friends" were female. They also all happened to be Asian. At some point, he had confessed his undying love to all of them, only to be spurned. I myself am an Asian female who was fast becoming a good friend. I smelt a creepy, anime loving, Asian-fetishist rat.

What was that about alarm bells again?

Poor old Tim had many girl problems. He was hopelessly in love with his best lady friend, who most certainly did not love him back. She sounded like a complete and utter bitch, but you gotta hand it to her for taking advantage of the situation - Tim gave her lifts, footed her bar tabs, and was willing to sit alone in a club and watch her hook up with random men on the dancefloor.

Like I said, utterly pussywhipped. I was beginning to lose a lot of respect for him. But still... alarm bells?

Tim and I would hang out in between classes to eat lunch and the like. In second semester, I had a four hour gap between classes. Like a dribbling basset hound, Tim would wait for me then follow me around. First to lunch, then to the computer lab where I would attempt to study, but fail because Tim was too busy whinging to me about how no girls wanted to bonk him. FOR FOUR HOURS. Then when i'd say "well, goodbye now, Im off to my next class" he'd lovingly escort me.
Alarm bells? Anybody?

Finally, the alarm bells rang during this conversation:
Me: Aw, my friend Cam dropped out of one of my classes. Now I don't have anybody to sit next to in my lecture.
Tim: I'll come and sit next to you next time, if you like.
Me: I thought Thursday was your day off?
Tim: It is. I want it to be my duty to make you happy
Me: o_O Erm, I'll be right thanks.
(I should mention that Tim lives an hour and a half away from uni...)

DING! DING!

When I got a boyfriend, I informed Tim of him. He either went silent, changed the subject, or gave me a lecture on how it wouldn't last.
DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING!!!


Then came the clincher.

"What would you do if I said I was attracted to you?" asked Tim.
"Well, Tim," I said, "I'd tell you that I'm not attracted to you in the slightest and I don't like you any more than a friend."
"Oh. Because..." The obvious 'I LIKE YOU' confession followed. Yawn.

But it didn't stop there. Oh no. I thought we could do the mature thing and stay friends. WRONG. Now I was the source of all of Tim's girl troubles. Henceforth, he bemoaned how unlucky it was that I wasn't single (oddly enough, not taking into account that I just plain didn't like him anyway) and how we would have been good together.

I told him to fuck off and blocked him on every corner of the internet. This is quite a milestone really - I rarely lose my temper with people and I'm nice as pie most of the time. It takes a LOT for me to get that angry at someone. Like when someone just does NOT get the hint.

He still sent me messages on myspace. One simply said "Snootchie bootchies".

Unfortunately, I bumped into him at uni, as you do. But i found out that he got a girlfriend! And you guessed it - this lass was a young Asian female. She was also in one of our classes.

"Hoorah!" thought I. "I can now resume a normal friendship without that weird sexual tension."

After excitedly asking him about her, he had this to say:
"You know, I told her that I once liked you, and she said that she can see why I was attracted to you."

I still had my boyfriend at this time. Tim had finally found a poor little clueless Asian chick who was actually attracted to him.
Remember what I said about never losing my temper with people?
"Fuck off, and never talk to me again," I hissed, grabbed my stuff, and left.


Apologies for ignoring all the alarm bells.
No apologies for length - I know you like it long.
(TheChicken Five hundred thousand points from Gryffindor, Mon 4 Feb 2008, 6:09, 3 replies)

have a click
For making the sentence "I want it to be my duty to make you happy" sound even scarier by simply typing it in bold.

Good.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 4 Feb 2008, 16:15, closed)

the sentence
"You know, I told her that I once liked you, and she said that she can see why I was attracted to you." doesn't seem all that mental to me. Possibly it would in context.
( Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Tue 5 Feb 2008, 16:27, closed)

Sounds like
A very weird chap. Still, some asian girls are fairly hot, so props to the lad. At least he knows what he likes!

Oh, and I'm in Australia for a few months... *whistles conspicuously*
(adamjc is awesome, Wed 6 Feb 2008, 13:47, closed)