boil in the bag
After a night on the piss I drew the short straw and ended up in this little rib doing support vessel operations. Was choppy as hell and I lost my goggles about nine seconds after setting off; cue high velocity rain and spray rinsing through to the back of my eyeballs.

As it was such a cold day I'd put a fleece jacket on under my drybag so when the rib pilot thought it would be ace to do eleventy knots and leap off the top of every wave i felt hot, queasy and gnarly as fuck.
Pulling the neck seal on my suit would release the high pressure combination of ale farts, sweat and scorching heat into my face.
The heebie-jeebie man had arrived.

Luckily in a quiet period the other chap pulled out a bag of pasties and convinced me it was a good idea to line my stomach. After the second bite we got given the order to 'go see whether that buoy is tethered in case i can rob it for my yacht hurr hurr'. Setting off at max chat, my pasty got blasted with so much seawater it became saltier than a dead sea bukkake sex cruise for pirates.
Two more bites went in, followed by all four coming out, followed by more going in, out, in out etc like some nautical meat-and-pastry based guttural hokey-cokey.

All was masticated because of the superior flavour (Ivor Dewdney's I believe) but i think most of the digesting was done by crabs.
(richvs, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 0:31, 5 replies)

"saltier than a dead sea bukkake sex cruise for pirates"
I lolz! Truly epic.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 2:49, closed)

yep
that's why I clicked!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 10:41, closed)

This and
"nautical meat-and-pastry based guttural hokey-cokey."

Blinding :D
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 12:11, closed)

This is amazing...
...never before have I read something scoring equally highly on the 'bloody brilliant' and the 'entirely incomprehensible' scale at the same time! For that my friend, you may have a clikkety!
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Fri 8 Jan 2010, 14:49, closed)

'brilliant and incomprehensible'?
i might make a badge. cheers all!
(richvs, Sun 10 Jan 2010, 20:38, closed)