Not strictly sex related...
but it seemed intimate and private.

In a car travelling through the city centre one morning when the car stops at a set of lights (as cars often do)at a junction.I espied, on a nearby pavement, a man trying to cross the road, the road intersecting the one I was on, a road on which the little green man had not yet beckoned our pedestrian to the paralell paving.

The man runs out into the road, a skinny young thing (the man,that is, not the road) dressed in what were evidently his work clothes-nice suit, briefcase etc.He runs out in a desperate attempt to reach the otherside and gets half way before he decides to run back.

Indulging in a little bit of schaudenfreude [sic]I let out a chuckle and continue to watch, in the hope that I will witness another of this poor souls woeful road-crossings.

A second later and my wish is fulfilled, except this time our hero takes two steps into the road before a honking horn indicates that it isn't such a great idea.

A giggle escapes my lips as this man, now a little infuriated stands on the pavement, waiting for a more oppurtune moment. He pulls out a cigarette and goes to light it BUT WAIT!!! A perfect chance to cross the road presents itself, and the poor fool has wasted valuable seconds lighting a cigarette. He rushes out but barely reaches the end of the pavement before sense conquers the passion of the moment- he's too late, there are cars on the way.

Now audibly cursing ("arsecock" were his exact words), he takes a long pull on is cigarette while I, in the safety of a vehicle begin to laugh heartily at this "cream-faced loon" (to quote Macbeth)

Two more failed attempts and I realy am laughing at this pitiable sight, his angry curses getting louder and less inventive ("CUNT")

Until, finally, just as the lights will surely change and I will have to move away from this entertainment, there is the perfect openng. All traffic is gone, as a final Ford Focus zooms off into the distance. He can't possibly fail to cross.

I don't know whether it was because of the excitement or because the guy was Joseph Stalin in a past life but what happened next was a truly incredible sight to behold.
The fucker only went and dropped his briefcase.
The briefcase only went and burst open.
Paper only blew out fucking everywhere.

I let out an unholy bark of hysterical laughter as our protaginist bellows his entire vocabulary of naughty rudey swear words into the heavens, kicks the briefcase as hard as he can and then falls to his knees, sobbing without tears, while paper gently dances around him in the wind.

Now if that isn't witnessing something intimate and private I don't know what is.
(Tip-Top Tomcat but you can call me Tommo, Tue 16 Oct 2007, 20:36, 2 replies)

I like this
Well written, realistic, relevant, quirky in this glut of sex stories and funny as fuck to boot.

More, please.
(posthumous mince is tiptoeing through the tulips, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 4:29, closed)

what Spacekitten said

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 13:53, closed)