» The Police

Railway Decapitation
My old housemate's father is a detective for the Bristol area. one day he was called out to a railway line leading out of the city where there had been a death on the railway line as a train hit someone (suicide or foul play not known) As a result the body was now minus a head. to do all of the forensics stuff they like to do, they had to close down the line for a while with the train due to leave being stuck in the station.

the search for the head wasn't going too well as the train had been going at some speed when it hit the poor bugger.
After an hour it is agreed that the trainline should be opened up again, with the trains moving slowly past my friend's dad and the other officers playing hunt the head.
Just as the first train to leave the station pulls along side one of the officers he turns around holding a severed head shouting "found it".
Apparently the look of horror on the passengers' faces was priceless.
(Sat 24th Sep 2005, 15:26, More)

» I just don't get it

What I don't understand is why people take a...
£500 Vauxhall Nova and spending much money on it to:
make it so low it won't go over speed bumps,
have a stereo worth more than the car,
have an exaust that sounds like the silencer has blown,
give it a paint job that makes it look like a cheap prostitute.

And then declare all of this on the insurance so you are paying for something that in your mind is worth £5000 pounds (which to everyone else is worth crap all) ramping the premium upto something more than the worth of the car.

After all of this it is just driven up and down the same stretch of road all night trying to show off to other people how bad your taste in cars/music is and that you need to replace your exhaust.

no apologies for length/girth
(Thu 31st Mar 2005, 12:26, More)

» What's the most horrific thing you've seen?

sexual assault or hit and run?
This really freaked me out, and I had kinda blocked it from my mind...

It was in my days as a first year undergraduate at uni. A week or two earlier there had been a "serious sexual assault" on campus, specifically in the direction of my halls of residence and people were a little bit nervous about going around alone late at night.

I had spent most of the evening in a friend's hall consuming a few cans of student-wallet friendly alcohol. It got quite late and I decided I would head back to my room to get some sleep.

The route back to my room crosses a road, complete with traffic light controlled crossing (but I had experienced that late at night, people didn't necessarily understand that they had to stop when the lights went red).

As I came to this crossing, I noticed in the low light of a couple of street lamps that there appeared to be a large splash of dark red liquid across the road. Not wanting to linger too long in the middle of the road I carried on crossing. When I got to the other side i noticed another patch of this dark, thick looking liquid splashed on the pavement.

At this point a number of things are running through my mind: "Is it another assualt?", "Has someone been hit by a car?" were two main ones.

If it was the former, I didn't really fancy hanging around in case they came back, so I picked up the pace walking back to my room. Looking down at the ground I noticed that there was a slight trail of (what I was now almost certain to be) blood, leading towards my hall of residence.

I'm feeling quite concerned now, so I'm jogging to my room, noticing more of a trail and more of these splashes.

I make it into my building and make sure the door closes behind me. I've already decided that I'm going to be calling campus security to come and check out what I've seen.

As i moved through into the common room (the only place in the building with a phone on the campus network) I noticed a body slumped across a couple of chairs. I stop and take a look at them from a few metres away and realise...

It was some pissed up student bastard that had too much of the snakebite (beer, cider and blackcurrant cordial) and had been vomiting it up en-route from the union to my hall.
(Tue 26th Jun 2007, 15:21, More)

» When animals attack...

Not so much the animal attacking...
Walking back from the pub through nice quiet country lanes bathed in the silvery light of the full moon in the clear sky.

I saw what I believed to be a pothole in the road and so in my marginally inebriated state decided to take a longer step over it avoiding the usual haha you fell down moment.

It turned out to be a hedgehog and I had just booted it across the road.
(Thu 2nd Jun 2005, 12:25, More)

» Schadenfreude

A guy from my class at school...
He wasn't a full on violent or agressive bully, but he would do enough to regularly make life unpleasant.

A few months ago I was tipped off about this news article.

I've almost finished laughing.
(Tue 22nd Dec 2009, 23:58, More)