» Family Feuds

We put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'
When I was younger my family used to go to abroad on holiday. My mum was always one to try a new place each year. We went to Crete, Portugal, Ibiza etc. but eventually started going to Turkey.

So it was a suprise when not only did we keep returning to the same resort each year but my parents decided to buy a holiday flat over there. My sister was, at the time going out with a Turkish waiter. We all got on with him and life seemed normal.

Then my sis didn't want to go out with him so my mum got on a plane with her so she could dump him face to face. My sis ended up severely ill whilst over there but my mum seemed to spend all her time with the waiter.

Flash forward a few years and it transpired....(you guessed it) my mum was banging said waiter.

Cut to present day. My parents are divorced and both re-married. And this summer it just got a whole lot wierder. Not only did my sis start speaking to my mum again, she went over there on holiday and stayed with my mum and the waiter. Then, as if the bizarre events weren't bizarre enough, my mum and waiter have come back to the UK to live over the winter and are staying with my sister.

I haven't got a problem with any of them except for usual family flaws. Those irritating things that only your family spot in you. And waiter guy is actually a top bloke. Apart from the fact he is to me a sister and motherfucker.

Gross.

Length - I'm neither proud or ashamed!
(Sun 15th Nov 2009, 1:14, More)

» Teenage Crushes - Part Two

Belinda Carlisle?!
A bit before my teens but the first crush I can remember.

Back when I was a young chap (about 8 years old) I saw Ms Carlisle appear as a guest on 'Shooting Stars' (A surreal panel show with apparently no rules or purpose. Still quite funny though) The minute I spotted this psiren, it awakened a desire in me that I was altogether unfamiliar with. I knew that I wanted her but being 8 years old I didn't really know what I wanted her for.

I still can't listen to 'Heaven is a place on earth' without a slight twinge in the trousers.

Shame she's pretty fugly nowadays!
(Mon 9th Nov 2009, 17:14, More)

» Rubbish Towns

I went to Bridgend once...
...I felt hanging in the morning.
(Fri 30th Oct 2009, 0:22, More)

» Neighbours

Way back when....
I used to live in a small village filled with middle aged parents and their young sprogglings. One fine summer's day, the parish commitee had arranged for a community day at the local playing field. It involved a cricket match, a BBQ, etc. and all in the name of unity and 'Love thy neighbourism'.

I was about 18 at this time and me and 3 of my mates decided to have a bit of a kick around (by that I just mean football) with about 8 kids, all about 6 - 8 years old.

We played nicely, as you do with little un's. That is until they turned nasty. Suddenly 4 people who for some reason were considered adults were being harrassed by minors. To my eternal shame, the four of us brought out our own dirty tactics and after 5 more minutes play it was decided the match should be called off, immeadiately for fear of injury. That's right, we pretty much beat up some children.

I moved out of my Dad's place a couple of years later but when I am back in the village, I steer clear of the parent's houses for fear of scowling looks!

Kids eh?! The hooligans.
(Fri 2nd Oct 2009, 17:37, More)