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# I have devised an intelligence test for my postman...

(I helped save b3ta! monkeon schmonkeon, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:03, archived)
# Hahahaha!
Ace.

I've always wanted to try addressing a letter purely by GPS co-ordinates but I don't have a GPS unit to find out where my house is.
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:04, archived)
#
I've always wondered what the smallest thing you can send through the post is, could you write an address on the back of a stamp?
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Strange Now Fully ISO 3103 Compliant!, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:06, archived)
# i wouldn't advise it
it's more likely to get stuck to a different envelope by some schemer
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:08, archived)
# These should be in the
'Things we'd like to see' section of the newsletter. Someone else would then do all the work for us.
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:10, archived)
# submit it, baby!
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)
# I can't at the moment
due to the bloody webfilters. There's an approximately 87.2% chance I'll have completely forgotten by the time I get home.
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)
# damn work filters!
i might logon at home for ten minutes tonight just to check the old gaz...
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:14, archived)
# D'you want me to gaz you?
Just to make it worth it?
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:15, archived)
# g'wan then!
something nice though!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:16, archived)
# Same here
I can see that I have a couple in my inbox, but I can't get to them yet.
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:16, archived)
# i can't even see if i have any!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:17, archived)
# you don't have any
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:23, archived)
# yes i do!
mrs trellis said she would send me one!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:24, archived)
# oh yes he does
;)
(I helped save b3ta! The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:30, archived)
# I had friend
who sent a letter in code to his family, including the envelope.

it got delivered because he didn't encode the house number or postcode.
(pdjpdj, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)
# How do you put an envelope in code?
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:13, archived)
# sorry mistype
it should have been cod
(pdjpdj, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:15, archived)
# i propose
you are talking complete cuntyfuckles
(Nobody Likes Mortal Wombat, Wed 9 May 2007, 15:03, archived)
# Unfortunately that only narrows it down
to a couple of houses. I need the height as well 'cos we're in a first floor flat.
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:17, archived)
# Ha ha
(I helped save b3ta! fuscous, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:19, archived)
# Use
google earth, it should be pretty accurate- just find your house and record the GPS co-ords from it.
(stunt_penguin | missed his b3ta birthday :'(, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:31, archived)
# hahaha
They will all be broken anyway
(Ning Has taken out flounce insurance., Wed 9 May 2007, 14:04, archived)
# i guarantee that he fails
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:04, archived)
# ^this
they tend to fail the simple version: horizontal slit/flat parcel.
(I helped save b3ta! Your watch is BACK, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:09, archived)
#
so how will they manage with the star-shaped parcel...?
(I helped save b3ta! cynicist couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:14, archived)
# star-shaped parcel
in the star-shaped hole!
(I helped save b3ta! Your watch is BACK, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:17, archived)
# I know I'm colour-blind
but I'm not shape-blind too, am I?
(I helped save b3ta! cynicist couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:19, archived)
# (_*_)
;)
(I helped save b3ta! Your watch is BACK, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:20, archived)
# rofl
fair enough, just slow then =P
(I helped save b3ta! cynicist couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:23, archived)
# but with pricing in proportion
it'll be an expensive test
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:05, archived)
# He's
most likely to throw them into the neighbour's garden and stick a card through the door.
(I helped save b3ta! cynicist couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:05, archived)
# this^
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:07, archived)
#
[ ] there is outstanding postage on sent item
[ ] we called while you were out
[x] we called while you were pulling your pants on and falling down the stairs in a rush to make it to the front door
(I helped save b3ta! The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:09, archived)
# Aye, ^ this
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)
# *wishes milkman dan was here to repost his excellent picture*
(I helped save b3ta! mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)
#
[ ] we called while you were in the bath, but you slipped trying to get out in a rush, banged your head on the tub, and drowned in your own murky bathwater. Luckily, we had a film crew peering through your window and your last humiliating moments will be spread for all to see across the internets.
(I helped save b3ta! cynicist couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:13, archived)
# [x]
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:16, archived)
# [x] we called,
but we couldn't be bothered to knock on your door and wait for you to answer, so we posted this pre-filled card instead.
(mazzmatazz is messing it up like a blue bottle, Wed 9 May 2007, 21:04, archived)
# pffft
he'll still leave 'em half out the hole
(I helped save b3ta! i_yam_bucket doo wah diddy diddy wah wah diddy doo, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:06, archived)
# Common complaint
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)
# huh
you're telling me :(
(I helped save b3ta! i_yam_bucket doo wah diddy diddy wah wah diddy doo, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:15, archived)
# hehehe genie arse!
bet he will flatten and bend them anyway though!
(I helped save b3ta! Wildyles is back to rimming chimps, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:06, archived)
# Heh!
My postman would simply force them through the smallest hole using brute force and possibly some sort of hammer.
(I helped save b3ta! Doctor When May your wife shat and chipper, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:06, archived)
# oh!!! that's what they're for!!
*removes apendage from letterbox*
(I helped save b3ta! The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:07, archived)
# Please
don't tell me you were trying out the triangular one...?
(I helped save b3ta! cynicist couldn't get rid of the comma on, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:08, archived)
# all the pornstars
love a toblerone
(I helped save b3ta! The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:10, archived)
# I'd be careful if I were you
My dog eats anything that goes through the letterbox
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:20, archived)
# now you tell me!
i needn't have bothered buying this tin of chum!
(I helped save b3ta! The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:33, archived)
# haha
*clicks*
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:07, archived)
# excellent!
w/y
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Strange Now Fully ISO 3103 Compliant!, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:08, archived)
# fnar fnar
you're the cleverest b3tan by far
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:08, archived)
# the funniest taxidermest
the shortiest skirt
the purplest sponge cake
the bordeauxitst pluralist
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)
# the darkest office chair
the leftist lugnut
the cleanest carpet
the happiest salseman
the bloodiest corpse
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:16, archived)
# He'll just leave a sigh saying the you weren't it like they always do!
woo
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:09, archived)
# you're not it?
*sighs*

:D
(I helped save b3ta! The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)
# Un-tag!
You're not it!
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)
# is this Emo tag?
(I helped save b3ta! The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:13, archived)
# Spid-emo, spid-emo
no one understands spid-emo
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:18, archived)
# spins a web
stays in bed
(I helped save b3ta! The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:31, archived)
# pulls the duvet
over his head
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:40, archived)
# You fail English?
That's unpossible!
(I helped save b3ta! Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)
# OK in then.:P
It was a test, honest.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Wed 9 May 2007, 15:01, archived)
# he will fail
as he is a cunt and an ex con.

Related story: I lost my phone at t in the park but it was kindly handed into the lost property and I eventually got it back a week later. To my horror however, when I got it back, I found that the first 15 or so people in my phone book had received texts saying "I love you, want to come round to mine for a fuck?". All those texts were received when it would have been in the sorting office. Cunts.

It would've been easier to for me to take if anyone had actually responded in the positive.
(I helped save b3ta! drbroon abloooobloobloo, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:09, archived)
# ha ha!!
that was me
(I helped save b3ta! The King of Hats Cone of shame, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)
# you mean that wasn't you!!
i hitch-hiked from portsmouth!!
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)
# Haha!
(I helped save b3ta! Kamikaze Stoat £4.09, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:09, archived)
# haha :)
(I helped save b3ta! prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)
# You are making me want to post random things!
I joined in with that posting toast malarky a while back. Posted poems on toast.
(BlackCat, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:11, archived)
# excellent
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:12, archived)
# Heheh!



(I helped save b3ta! Monty Propps, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:15, archived)
# He'd either knock on the door, or just put a little letter through the top hole
asking you to collect them
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:18, archived)
# 'ning TUTT!
how are this rainy day?
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:20, archived)
# It's rainy?
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:25, archived)
# it is down here in cosham, portsmouth.
=(
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:26, archived)
# between the hours of 6:30 and 9:00 during the week
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:20, archived)
# This is ace
reminds me of the time me and my friend got hold of a blank postcard (white on both sides) so we stamped and addressed both sides, one to me and one to him, then waited and saw where it ended up.

It came straight to me, so I put it back in the postbox and it came right back to me (even though the stamp had already been stamped). After the fourth time I got it back in the post we gave up.
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:21, archived)
# you and your wacky antics!
=)
i wonder why it never went to your mate.....
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:22, archived)
# No idea
he lives in Brighton, and we posted it in Brighton to begin with...every other time I sent it from London and it just came straight back
(I helped save b3ta! emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:26, archived)
# I have a friend that posted a leaf once.
Stuck a stamp on it, wrote his address on it, and posted it. He got it delivered too, but only because it wasn't worth stealing by the damn glasgow posties.
(stevkay, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:21, archived)
# Ours regularly confuses the number "19" with the number "16"
because he's an idiot. If we did that, the square package would get hammered into the round hole.
(Al__S is constantly suprised, Wed 9 May 2007, 14:34, archived)
# brilliant
i love it
(I helped save b3ta! lemonhead, Wed 9 May 2007, 15:13, archived)
# how
will he get the star shape through?
(Astrid, Wed 9 May 2007, 15:38, archived)
# That one
has to be lobbed over the house
(I helped save b3ta! The Legendary Pink Dot survived yet another, Wed 9 May 2007, 16:08, archived)
# That's utter brill!
(DaveyDoodlebug the one and only tripster, Wed 9 May 2007, 15:44, archived)
# book book book book book!
(I helped save b3ta! Obz Click, ting, stamps, Wed 9 May 2007, 20:16, archived)
# I hate to be pedantic, but
Your parcels are Square, Triangle, Pentagon and Star.
Your doorholes are Square, Triangle, Pentagon and Circle.

An impossible task methinks.
(fastandfurryous What was the question again?, Wed 9 May 2007, 20:22, archived)
# or...
an intelligence test?
(I helped save b3ta! FatherJack /me belms, Thu 10 May 2007, 10:42, archived)
# Our kids have devised a way of sending mail for free...
they draw a tea-pot where the stamp is and write the address in crayon's.
the sentimental fuckers delivery it..
true story that is. try it.
(I helped save b3ta! war3n3xt < I'm with stupid, Thu 10 May 2007, 10:27, archived)