*breathes*
Okay. I'll admit it.

I am a lump-lovin', skin-examining, pustule-popping ZIT ADDICT.

I have, many a moon ago, caught myself picking at my ex's spots in broad daylight at the train station.

Another ex asked me what I would do if he stopped getting them- I told him I'd surreptitiously rub Big Macs in his face as he slept.

I have all sorts of techniques for dealing with all but the very worst spots- ranging on the horror-scale from 'wiggling' to 'knuckling' to the dreaded 'needling'. Sometimes I'm too excited (or drunk ) to bother sterilising the needle (gee, I wonder why I'm single?).

People are impressed that I can reach one arm over my shoulder and the other over my back and hold my hands. I can do this left-over-shoulder and right-over-shoulder. They wouldn't be so impressed if they knew it was a developmental response to the frustration of back pimples I couldn't reach previously.

One of the highlights of getting my tattoo was squeezing the blackest of all blackheads out of it a week later (and I once dated a guy with technicolour bacne cos of all his varied tatts- and still think about those happy little pus-bombs).

Sometimes I see the word 'pussy' and my first thought is that it means 'pus-filled'- hang on....ewww. WORST ENTENDRE EVER!

The kinds of pimples have different names- and some repeat offenders (of the genus 'phoenix') even get their own names which are hilarious and sweary. I trash talk them as I kill them. Out loud.

I get trigger fingers around people with really obvious pus-pin~atas (sorry don't know the key for the squiggle*). I don't know if I've ever been caught but I dread the day. I'll be working out exactly how I'd go at it, and I'm experienced enough to reasonably predict volume, type, and shooting-pressure of pus. So much so that if the friend who lets me do his is sick of it and tells me I can only do one, I'll pore (whoops, a pun!) over his face like a kid at a lolly-shop window clutching a lone coin, choosing the biggest and best. And usually try to sneak a few more before he yells at me.

I have even *shame* taken photos of really awesome ones so that I can admire them later. You can't keep them you see, they dry out and shrink (probably good for me though, otherwise I'd probably have grotty jars-ful- actually, that's turned even my stomach, so probably not).

I squeeze my own zits in the mirror at least three times a day. I've even started doing the obvious ones that spring up during the day at work while I poop, with my compact mirror set up on the toilet-paper dispenser. If I find a really bad one in bed at night with my fingers, and don't want to get up, I'll do it by feel with ridiculous accuracy. And sometimes be disappointed if it is an awesome one because I would have loved to see it come out.

I did, however, once stumble across a vid on youtube that put me off for literally days (and no, I wasn't searching for pimple porn- I saw the link somewhere else). I figured it'd be lik e on Jackass when that one guy squeezed a blackhead at the camera. Oh no...

It was a giant infected sebaceous gland (okay, well they all are, but this was rank), the size of my fist in the middle of a guy's back. It was being tended to by some freakin backwards witch doctor or something, surrounded by onlookers. He burst the monster with some kind of instrument (couldn't see what). Rivers of pus spewed down the guys back, and the core itself was like a giant squiggly blackhead, about the size, volume and consistency of toothpaste. Come to think of it, the vid may well have put me off brushing my teeth too.

I didn't even make it to the end. I managed not to throw up and ventured off to warn the interweb in another forum I frequent. Some among us were nurses and very strong of stomach (as am I, usually). They made it to the end and told me that the infection was finally evacuated completely by a swish-around of the witch-doctor's bare fingers in the now gaping wound.

So I'm not the worst in the world- result!

Length, etc. But I got it out in one unbroken, squiggly piece, so by gum it was worth it!

*and if you are similarly disadvantaged, do not ever wish someone happy birthday in Spanish by typing it up. "Cumpleanos feliz" without the squiggle means "Happy anus". Word to the wise!
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 8:13, 8 replies)

ha ha ha oh wow
have a click just for happy anus. =)
(spent.fish flipping and gasping, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 8:23, closed)

Cheers!
Now I'm wondering if I wasted time on the rest though...:D
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 8:26, closed)

O_O

( The Coast Of Yemen, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 8:34, closed)

Ew!
Ewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewew.
( girlinthehole, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 9:05, closed)

Holy shit...
...I just ran a youtube search for the vid for my afore-mentioned friend who wanted to see it.

One of the search results was "Angela's self-esteem issues" (a clip from "My So-Called Life", a short-lived drama starring Claire Danes).

Spooky, especially given I just had this convo on MSN:

Greg says:
hows the housemate working out?
arete says:
about as bad as i expected
arete says:
maybe worse
arete says:
she's a nutcase
arete says:
she spent hours on the phone last night threatening some chick about a guy at a nightclub that she saw first...
arete says:
i could hear both sides of the conversation from my room with the door closed and music on (this was ON THE PHONE!)
arete says:
and she eventually left to go over and 'smack her so hard'
arete says:
she's not home yet
arete says:
maybe she's dead
arete says:
that would suck
arete says:
i need the money she owes me for rent saturday
Greg says:
lol
arete says:
how are things going for you?
arete says:
any progress with the chicky-babe you were after?
arete says:
wtf?!
arete says:
holy shit
arete says:
i *just* saw this quote on bash.org
arete says:
robuofw: my roommate has been gone since friday night
robuofw: and I have no idea where he is
cyateon: do you think he's alive
robuofw: I hope so
robuofw: rent is due tomorrow
arete says:
bizarre
Greg says:
lol
arete says:
that's soooo weird
Greg says:
yeah

Freaky- the internet is talking to me again. Or I'm drunk...perhaps a couple more pressing addictions, no?
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 9:26, closed)

you would love
this scene from the shanghai underground railway, from 2006, personally witnessed by yours truly ;)

there's a boyfriend and girlfriend sitting on the seats. the train is quite full (packed by british standards, but nowhere near it by chinese scales), and the girl sees something on the bf's face. gets tissues out. squeezes his fucking zit right in the middle of the train, in front of everyone, and wipes up for him.

i think it's both an expression of love and fucking disgusting at the same time.
(zenmeban thinks the weather could be better, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 11:41, closed)

It's worse when you're not expecting it.
Years ago, I drove a minicab for a bit. One day I had a fare who had the most grotesque whelk on his forehead. Young guy, about 19. He was talking about his girlfriend he was meeting off the train.

Feeling like a good Samaritan, I offered him a tissue, pointing to his forehead and saying something like "you've got something stuck to yer headd, mate" He rubbed it, and the fucking thing sprayed right across the roof of the cab and into my eye. Cue screams and frantic wiping with a Kentucky cleaning wipe.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 17:45, closed)

Oh dear
What worries me the most about this is that

a) I kind of want to see that YouTube thing, and

b) I feel sort of sad that I don't have any spots to pop. Immensely satisfying.

Have a click.
(Samara Morgan is a small blue thing, like a marble or an eye, Tue 23 Dec 2008, 23:12, closed)