Mowing the yard
It all went wrong when I decided to mow the yard. Well, a few minutes later, actually. I filled the fuel tank, primed the carburettor and heaved on the starter cord. Away she went, but a few seconds later there was a squeal and smoke appeared at the top of the motor.

Oh dear, whatever can be the matter?

I stopped the motor. The starter cord had not retracted fully, so I removed the starter assembly and sure enough, it was looped around the starter clutch instead of only the pulley.

Darn it, more expense.

I consulted the Briggs and Stratton site on-line. A new pulley was cheap, so that was encouraging, but any details on repairs were absent, since my 15 year old mower was no longer covered. What to do, oh what to do?

Well there is a mower repair and sales centre not far away, so I used plan B, the good old Yellow Pages.

"Do you handle Briggs and Stratton motors?"

"Yes."

O joy! Oh bliss!. I leapt into the car, taking the assembly with me. Ten minutes later I walked through the door and handed the offending article to the man behind the counter.

"Not a problem" he said, and disappeared into the workshop. I heard the hiss of compressed air and a few rattles. Five minutes later he was back, holding the thing upside down.

"I've just oiled it, don't turn it up the other way for a while until the oil soaks in."

Sure enough, a little puddle of oil sloshed about in the spring compartment.

"We normally charge $35 per hour, but that only took five minutes. That will be $20 thanks. Did you oil the clutch at the top of the motor, by any chance?"

Nonplussed, I answered that I had not, so he told me to do it.

"Any oil will do."

Well it was a cheap fix. I got home, put some oil around the clutch thingy and went in for lunch.

The oil around the starter spring had soaked in by then so I replaced the starter assembly, counted to three, crossed my fingers and pulled the starter cord. Great! That's fixed and it didn't cost a bomb. So now I've got the mower running I'll do the front yard.

Oops, I forgot that steel stake. There was a clang and the mower started to shake. Bugger, broken blade. But no, three of the four blades were twisted inward. To fix that I'll have to put the mower on it's side and to do that I'll have to drain the fuel tank. I got a nice mouthful of petrol from not letting go of the siphon quickly enough. Put the garden hose in your mouth, silly.

Not being completely stupid, I disconnected the spark plug. I found I could not swing the three blades back with one hand while holding the disk with the other, so grandfather's ball peen hammer came into play. Five minutes banging away and they were back in the right places.

What was that gurgling sound? Bloody hell, moving the disk pumped oil from the sump out of the four stroke motor. No oil in the motor, it was on the motor and on the base plate instead. And I'd just changed the oil two weeks before. At least that flushed out the remains of the old oil. There was just enough left in the bottle.

Of course oil was dripping from the spark plug. Soak it in mineral turps for a few minutes, wipe with cloth, a quick scratch with a wire brush and it's as good as new. Pull the starter cord a few times to blow out any loose stuff in the cylinder, replace the spark plug and Robert was my avuncular relative.

Now I have to clean up the mess.
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Wed 6 Mar 2013, 4:41, 13 replies)

Why don't you just use one that plugs in, or is the garden huuuge?
~has never cut grass in her life so has very little idea about lawn mowers~
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Wed 6 Mar 2013, 8:46, closed)

They're OK
Until you run over the power cord
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Wed 6 Mar 2013, 11:08, closed)

So your story is 'my lawnmower broke'?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 6 Mar 2013, 10:46, closed)

Yes
Dull, isn't it?
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Wed 6 Mar 2013, 11:06, closed)

Suits the tone of the forum perfectly, marvellous work.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Wed 6 Mar 2013, 12:02, closed)

no

(speedevil, Wed 6 Mar 2013, 12:27, closed)

This QOTW is really inspiring some corkers
Next, man forgets to pull up the carrots he's planted in time and they go all rotten.
(Eukanuba, Wed 6 Mar 2013, 10:50, closed)

Liked by me.
Not that I would ever use the over-priced franchise but.... Jim's Mowing?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 6 Mar 2013, 10:52, closed)

Mower is working OK now.
Don't need Jim.
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Wed 6 Mar 2013, 11:11, closed)

At least "Jim didn't fix it..."
*hat & coat grabbed*
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 6 Mar 2013, 12:28, closed)

And then what happened ?!?!?!?!?!?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 6 Mar 2013, 14:28, closed)

You mow grass or lawns.
You can't mow yards. Silly mercan.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 6 Mar 2013, 14:32, closed)

This should win
it reminds me of The Straight Story
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Wed 6 Mar 2013, 21:36, closed)