fragrant, runny cat poo
My last job was as a teacher in a BTEC course (siiiiighhhhhhhh....). I'd been there about a week when a girl comes into my class clutching a small duffel bag rather delicately to her chest. Somehow I instinctively knew there was an animal inside. It turns out she had been on her way to school and saw an alleycat, which she figured she would rescue and home. She had no time to take it back home, so she brought it to class Being an animal lover myself, and thinking that it was a good deed, I grudgingly allowed her to have the cat in class, as long as she kept it in the bag.

Halfway through class we take a short break, and predictably, the girl gets the cat out and all the other girls go apeshit, petting him and cooing at him. I begin teaching class again, but hear a 'meow' behind my back. I turn around and one of the students has the cat on her lap. "Class is back in session guys, it's time to put the cat back in the bag" (har har har). Somehow the girl interpreted 'put the cat away' to 'lean over and say "shh!" into his little black ear'. I warned them. So I cannot be held responsible for what happened next.

I'm facing the chalkboard when the student says, with increasing volume, "Oh, no. Oh, SHIT!" Which was exactly what the cat was doing. Runny, squirty, kitty diarrhea. On her leg. I guess alley food just disagrees with your stomach sometimes. The girl was too stunned to stand up right away, so the poo ran down the side of her thigh and pooled on her chair, so when she stood up she had poo on both the front and back of her jeans. She ran into the bathroom, followed by the hysterical laughter of her classmates... which continued for approximately five seconds before people began retching and stampeding away from the wretched smell.

So... my class ended fifty minutes early. The girl went out at lunch and bought a new outfit. The student who'd brought the cat remained in the smelly classroom, desperately trying to clean up the muddy piles of cat diarrhea at the cat went bonkers, running amuck and eagerly creating more on desktops and chairs. And the campus administrator begged me not to tell our boss what had happened before running into the hallway, dry-heaving.

Goes to show you get your money's worth with a BTEC course (boom swish). No apologies for length or to anybody who has ever been enrolled in a BTEC course.
(Mabel DelTaco, Tue 7 Jun 2005, 9:00, Reply)