words fail me
When I was about 12, maybe 13, me and my best friend who lived next door used to frequently pull tricks on my younger sister. We would be at the dinner table and she would nip off to the toilet, at which point me and Nikki used to put all our shepherds pie on her plate, and she would come back and eat it all up without even realising. So you can see she was pretty easy to make do things.

Anyway, my Mum and Dad were upstairs having a bath (together, vom.) one summer evening and me and Nikki were to watch my sister and make sure she didn't lick plug sockets/hit the cat/get run over (please bare in mind she is actually 10 years old at this point) etc etc. We were just sitting about playing Mario Kart on the Snes or something, when sister gets a bit antsy, and starts squirming about. Turns out she needs a poo.

Me and Nikki think it's hilarious that she cant get in the bathroom as Mum and Dad are in there, and wind her up saying she musn't go and knock on the door as she will get MASSIVELY told off, and we tell her to go and poo in the garden, obviously not thinking she would actually do it.

10 minutes pass and we are so involved in the computer game that we don't notice my sister had been a little quiet and disappeared. We realise, and call out, only to at that moment see her, in broad daylight, pants round her ankles and squatting on the garden pavement and doing a poo. Our house was semi detached in a cul-de-saq with no fencing, so it's pretty safe to say at least one family around us saw my little sister curl one out in the back garden.

My parents weren't that pleased about it at the time but now it is one of our favourite stories (although funnily enough not my sister's).

Length? About 5 inches and very firm.
(natakins, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 12:19, 16 replies)

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Your parents were having sex! In the bath! EWWWWWWW!

Bet your Mum kissed your Dad's willy, too.

Awesome story though...*clickity*
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 12:53, closed)

HAHAHA Stunner
I can picture her face everytime it's re-told.
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Tue 2 Nov 2010, 13:06, closed)

Giving her shepherd's pie was a TRICK?
I love shepherd's pie.
You can trick me with that one anytime you like.


Hmm. Hungry now. I wonder if we've any mince in the freezer....
(greatoldone Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f'tagn, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 13:11, closed)

you've never eaten my mum's shepherd's pie, it was bloody horrible.

and yes they were probably doing horrible things (i'm basically crying at my desk while typing this), yuckyuckyuck.
(natakins, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 13:47, closed)

Is that why they did it in the bath,
so they could hose away all the evidence?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 15:05, closed)

Do you reckon your mum spits or swallows?
Although with a good motorboat, she probably wouldn't get a chance to do either.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 15:31, closed)

With all those extra portions of shepherd's pie no wonder she needed a dump pronto

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Nov 2010, 13:52, closed)

how did you know it was firm?
did you prod it, did you feel it?
(Miggyman, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 15:35, closed)

you could tell it was firm
because it sat bolt upright. it sort of fell into a bit of a wizard's hat shape by the time my Mum and Dad got out of the bathroom and saw it, which made it even better

my sister would literally die if she knew i'd done this.
(natakins, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 16:24, closed)

No she wouldn't literally die.

(fibonacci_cunt cunt, cunt, cuntcunt, cuntcuntcunt,..., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 10:53, closed)

'literally voms'

( industrial_bunny, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 14:33, closed)

One of the better replies to this weeks shite QOTW.
Click.
(Archeleus hates cabbage, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 15:40, closed)

Did you live in Cambridge at the time?

( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 15:53, closed)

did she shuffle across the grass, dragging her arse to clean it?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 15:56, closed)

Don't be so ridiculous...
of course she did. It's the quickest and best way to clean off the clagnuts.
(Chopsey, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 19:03, closed)

I blame the architect.
I hate the piss-poor and thoughtless design process that results in a family abode having the same room used for something done mostly in the morning and/or evening, which takes a moderately long ammout of time but is not entirely necessary and something wich mainly takes place around the same time but may be urgent and is certainly necessary.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 2 Nov 2010, 17:46, closed)