How to disillusion your staff in easy stages.
1. Arrive in the post and promptly promise all the resources and manpower that's been hitherto lacking.
2. Wait until nobody's looking then siphon off some of the teams tasks and hand them to another unit entirely. Preferably contractors.
3. Continue to promise this, that and jam covered tits.
4. Announce that there will be a certain amount of restructuring.
5. Pass some more work over to the contractors. Except they promptly pass as much of it back to the in-house people as they can.
6. When one of your staff points out that somebody else is getting paid for work she's doing, take a moment or two to thoroughly patronise her and make her feel utterly valueless.
7. Lob some more work over to the contractors. Oh look at that, now a lot of the in-house people are twiddling their thumbs.
8.Call a meeting and cheerfully announce that out of everybody in that room right now, 70% of them will be in the Redeployment Pool inside two years. Wonder why your staff are now disgruntled.
9. Call another meeting to address any concerns. In the hour allotted, spend 40 minutes of it promising this, that and jam covered tits. Answer precisely two questions and manage to avoid giving any relevant info to either.
10. announce that the previous cuts were overexaggerated and in fact the team has a bright future. Ten minutes later, the contractors arrive for the meeting where you give them even more of the team's work.
11. Invite yourself along to the farewell parties of staff leaving, bringing friends from Main Office who hammer the buffet and the free booze and scuttle off just before the wine runs out.
12. Fail to notice that the contractors you're employing have just hired new staff who look strangely familiar and who are now getting more money for doing less than they were doing before.
13. Fail to notice that your remaing staff are now making "Sucking invisible dong" gestures at you when your back is turned.
14. Dump the rest of the team onto the Redeployment Pool. Since paying out Redundancy is officially frowned upon, you now have an office full of people who are getting paid to do nothing. And who wouldn't do anything anyway since their previous hard work and enthusiasm was rewarded with you hitting them with the "Fuck you" stick.
15. Suck up the plaudits from higher echelons and go off to play golf with live kittens.
(Big D, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 20:49, 3 replies)

If you insist

( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 21:07, closed)

"Sucking Invisible Dong"
BT, DT, GTTS.

I liked "this, that and jam covered tits" as well.

*Click*
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Thu 10 Jun 2010, 21:08, closed)

You haven't answered the burning question though...
Did they ever deliver the jam covered tits?
(williamthebloody, Tue 15 Jun 2010, 4:44, closed)