Dirty Pirate Hooker
The main bar manager at the pub I work at, Jane* is an uberbitch. A skinny brunette who can do no wrong, she communicates through a series of snarking, sarcasm and general barking. Like an eagle with a corked rammed up its bum, she will swoop and shriek at you if you do the slightest thing wrong.

At first I thought all this rudeness was directed towards me. Convinced that she hated me, I shared my woes with my nicer co-workers. This is when I started hearing a bit more about her...

"Jane hates me," I whimpered at another bar manager.
"Jane is a motherfucking mole," she replied. "Don't listen to her. She's only got a job here because she's shagging the manager."
I found it through a few other girls that this somewhat attractive young girl was getting it on with a hairy fellow who looked nearly 40 and was a few centimeteres away from having a mullet. NO WAY. I suppose it's handy to do it with the fellow who draws up the rosters, though.

"Jane hates me," I whinged at another fellow manager.
"Jane is a dirty pirate hooker," he replied. "No, not really. But she did shag seven people at Big Day Out last weekend."
"WHAT?! But isn't she going out with...?"
"Yeah, she is, but she doesn't care."

GROSS.

"Hey, did you hear about Jane's abortion?" asked another co-worker.
NO I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT. WHAT THE FUCK.

Well, if anything, hearing about how my bitchy bar manager is not so perfect makes me feel less afraid of her now. Although I might make a cocktail wrong every now and again, at least I didn't sleep my way into a job, shag 7 people and get knocked up.

I don't want to know if she has to apologise for her boyfriend's length.

*Oh yeah, not real name.
(TheChicken Five hundred thousand points from Gryffindor, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:35, 4 replies)

Snarking would
make a lovely word.

funny story have a click.
( Trollman, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:44, closed)

Maybe not his length
but she may have to apologise to him for giving him an STD.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 10:57, closed)

Jane's abortion
You should have replied, "No, but I do have the last Jane's Addiction album."

I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 18:16, closed)

is her name
Kara by chance?

have a click just in case it is
(misskitty reeks of sex and turpentine; laudanum afternoons, Sat 26 Jan 2008, 5:56, closed)