Spock Lives
Ahh Stephen, a bastard, and lazy with it.
We needed a new developer, so interviews were had, technical questions were asked and Stephen was employed...
He didn't turn up on his first day (bad sign one)
So boss rang him and found he'd not found anywhere close to live and still lived hundreds of miles away (we should have sacked him then).
Turned up on Tuesday and was given a bit of self contained work to complete, our senior developer had said it should take two days, so Stephen was given until the end of the week.
Didn't turn up on his third day.
My boss called him (never the other way round) and found the driving had been too much, so he was going to spend the day finding somewhere new to live. My boss told him to sort that out this week and start over on Monday.
Friday I'm asked to call Stephen, and find out if he'll be in on Monday. He still hasn't found anywhere, I ask his budget and find him several places to visit over the weekend.
He arrives on Monday and as far as I'm aware starts working away. He is however always on the phone, attempting to find better accommodation.
Friday arrives and boss calls Stephen in and asks how he's doing. Stephen has "almost finished" but asks if he can show it all working on Monday. Monday comes and goes, as does Tuesday, we other drones persuade Stephen to join us for lunch (a walk to the sandwich shop) we get half way there when he runs to a phone box and stays there, on the phone for 20 mins.
Friday comes and boss, who used to develop himself asks if he can see Stephen's progress, and if he needs it potentially help. Stephen graciously declines this offer and says he'll show boss everything on Monday.
Stephen starts arriving exactly 30 mins late and leaving 30 mins early.
Stephen starts making coffee just for himself.
Monday rolls round, as does Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.
On Friday boss calls Stephen in and asks to see his work, when Stephen pleads to wait boss says "This has stopped being funny, and show me the work or I'll give you a verbal warning." Stephen accepts the written warning.
I find out Stephen's Password is Spock Lives.
Monday occurs and boss has talk with IT director re: Stephen.
Wednesday IT director and boss call Stephen in to the office. Boss - "Show us what you have been working on or here is a written warning."
Stephen - "I'll take the written warning."
IT director - "Seriously just show us what you've been working on."
Stephen picks up written warning and walks out.
We discover that Stephen is late because he's working as a cleaner in the mornings to pay the rent on his house.
We find out Stephen has 13 Chinchillas.
Friday comes round, this is officially the last day of Stephen's probationary period. Boss and IT director call Stephen in and give him the option of showing what he's been doing for the last 3 weeks (we've all noticed him coding) or he'll be asked to leave.
He said "Fair enough" and left.
It ended up good for me though, I got his computer, when going through the recycle bin I found two vbs files, containing a half finished novel set between Star Trek 2 and 3 entitled Spock Lives.
Epilogue
Head of HR decided that he hadn't been sacked properly so he was paid for the next 3 months, and then they failed to stop paying him so he ended up with 5 months pay for writing a rather poor Sci-Fi novel.
Sorry about the length, you'd have been sorrier if I'd posted the novel.
(nebbie, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 14:30, 3 replies)

This is incredible...
I wish I had the nerve to take this piss like that and get paid for doing nothing but write stories all day...

*ahem*
( Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Thu 24 Jan 2008, 14:38, closed)

Re: Spock
I used to be on a team with a bloke who spent his days writing Star Wars fan fiction for some fansite or other.

We christened him 'The Cobra' as that's a good description of his right hand's movement. Whenever anybody approached his desk he'd point 'n' click the mouse away from his latest ouvre and onto whatever he was supposed to be working on at lightning speed.
(Fanta Menace Is tall enough to see over the fence, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 15:59, closed)

You should publish the novel.
If he wrote it on the company's time, you've got a fair claim to it. It doesn't sound like it would sell but it'd be pretty embarrassing for him :)
( JimM, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 16:42, closed)