Anal Adventures in the Dark
This is not my story but a friend's that I love to tell. The last time I told her how much joy the story brought me and other people she was horrified that I was retelling it to anyone who would care to listen. Given that this is the internet and anyone could be reading it I have asked, and been given, permission to share.

If you've ever seen Chasing Amy, you'll recall the scene where Banky and Alyssa are comparing injuries sustained in the pursuit of sexual gratification, each attempting to out do the last. This story came to light in similar circumstances. I had just played my 'I've manage to accidentally get semen in three different girls' eyes' card. Lucy's topped that.

Lucy and her boyfriend had been enjoying a late night romp when the focus moved from front bottom to bottom true. Despite the claims made in Brokeback Mountain, spit is not the most lubricating of fluids and it was agreed an alternate solution was required.
Now, I've never asked why Lucy didn't have lube. She strikes me as the kind of girl to have a store of this kind of thing, kept not far from a collection of toys, but it transpires she didn't. What Lucy did have, working in the beauty industry, was a well stocked cabinet of lotions and potions, and it was to here that her boyfriend was sent. In the dark he grabs a bottle and a few squirts here and there, a bit of working it into the important areas followed by working it into the important area. It worked perfectly and, as far as I gather, a good time was had by all involved.

The following morning the boyfriend woke and headed to the bathroom. As he positioned himself in front of the toilet he looked down to find his once white penis had developed a distinctly brown hue. As he stood, confused, he noticed his palms, too, were now much browner than he remembered. He returned to the bedroom and stood naked at the foot of the bed. Brown palms forward, matching manhood. Lucy's stifled giggle quickly turned to full on guffawing when it was confirmed that the impromptu lube was, in fact, fake tan.
( Holly Would long wheel based tranny, Sun 26 Jun 2011, 22:46, 6 replies)

From my recollection of having read Brokeback Mountain,
they used a little cooking oil or something similar in addition to spit. Nowhere near as classy as fake tan, though.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 26 Jun 2011, 23:52, closed)

I think that some secret KY agents are on their way to Lucy's house right now...

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 27 Jun 2011, 0:32, closed)

Blood is the best lubricant.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 9:14, closed)

And tears come a close second

(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 12:32, closed)

What I want to know is,
did it make his cock much bigger?
Or did he not make it dark enough.
Once you've had tanned, you never go back...
/unfunny racism
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 18:30, closed)

Seems like
the perfect lube for anal, on the assumption that it can hide the evidence.
(ianisme, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 20:30, closed)