Boob Cakes
This is a story about a breast. Not one of mine (I have two, and I'm very attached to them). This was more of an accidental breast.

I was probably about 14 or 15, and not very wise in the ways of the world (so naive and innocent--now I'm much older and naughtier, so things have changed for the better). I wanted to make a cake, so I picked a recipe for a Christmas tree cake with different sized layers stacked and frosting with green icing to look like a tree. The only problem was, I missed the part in the recipe where it said to double the recipe. The cake turned out flatter than it should have been. That's okay, I could just slap some frosting on it and it would still taste just fine.

So I baked the cake and stacked the layers on top of each other to make my very short tree cake and started to make the frosting. We didn't have any green food coloring. No problem, I'll just use white frosting and it will look like a lovely snow-covered tree. I blithely spread pale white frosting all over the cake, thinking about nothing but how good that cake was going to taste.

So the cake was finished and sitting on the counter, and my dad muttered something. With my usual quick thinking, it took me a few seconds to figure out what he said. "Is that a boob?" I looked at the cake, and yes, it was a boob. A giant, pale white breast, sitting on the kitchen counter. All it needed was a little pink frosting on the top.

Looking back, I think I missed this very obvious sign that my true calling was making erotic cakes. My life would have been very different if I had figured that out at the time, but now I've gone in a different direction. I could be like the woman who came up to me in a parking lot and told me she had something to show me in the back of her station wagon. I am dangerously curious sometimes, so of course I went with her, and the back of her station wagon was full of trays of erotic gingerbread cookies. I wonder if she's still selling anatomically-correct gingerbread men in shopping center parking lots.
(magiceyes, Fri 7 May 2010, 23:54, 1 reply)

i once worked in a chocolate shop
that specialised in erotic chocolates. i was only there one day, which was good. far too much chocolate on offer!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 8 May 2010, 0:09, closed)