Revenge is sweet.. well more chilli tabasco actually.
I was undoubtedly not the coolest kid in school.. blonde, acne, actually into learning stuff, listening to what people said and one of the few normal people in my class which had the reputation of being the "worst behaved in the year" as the teachers always kept reminding us.

As a result of learning to deflect the general shit that came with a class of nutters I had an okayish time at school.. I got along with the class bully (who's family was pretty messed up) and even learnt to laugh off and avoid the enevitable conclusions of his favourite catch phrases such as the mirthful "Doo yoooo WANNA PUNCH?!" and the classic, slightly more rhetorical "Doo yoooo want ANOTHER PUNCH?!" Basically you kept him sweet talking about making bombs and anything else that he found appealing and you just got along dandy.. For all his "little faults" I actually got to like him by the end of school. I saw him a few years back and he had a stunning wife who didn't even look bruised. - Though her shirt did cover her upper arms and the ever favourite "BCG" target point. (Maybe he'd reformed or maybe some women just love a violent nutter.. the world is a strange place)

Anyway I digress from my only real pinacle of fame while at school..
I used to hang out with the other quasi-normal members of my class in a maths room where you could get away from most of the nuttier side of our year and play games on the old BBCs. This was great until a nasty piece of work from the year above (who we nick named "psycho kid" (behind his back for obvious reasons)) started to make our lives hell. He'd turn up mid break with his laughing-boy cronies before their lesson started and just lay into us for no reason. You could see him trying different ways to intimidate you and generally try anything to make his mates laugh at us.. wanker.

I've never been worried about being a bit short, but this guy was and had the personailty equivalent of a small psychotic pit bull.. you know, sort of undersized, a bit of a chip on his shoulder and mainly scary due to excessive mouthyness and the odd bit of unrestrained psychotic behaviour. Think Ben Kingsly in Sexy Beast..

Not being one to get pushed around and not do *something* about it I devised a cunning plan.. Lemon sherberts were the sweet of choice at that time and for those not in the know they're an old skool hard boiled sweet filled with err.. sherbert. I found that if you painted them with Tabasco sauce and left them to dry in the sun you could turn something that looked like an innocent glazed lemony treat into the sort of uber-hot food you'd require an arms export license for to sell abroad.. The sort of thing your local indian might serve you if you called the waiter a poof, belched in his face and then bragged about how you "always order a Phal!!" to all your laughing dickhead mates. You know.. really really quite hot.

One weekend and several re-applications of Tabasco later I was ready to go.. In walks psycho kid, my mate Matt gets pushed about a bit first, at which point I offer John a sherbert out of an innocent little white paper bag. John eats the "safe" lemon sherbert he had already pre-concealed in his hand and starts crunching as loudly as possible in case psycho kid hasn't noticed..

Psycho Kid: OI! What's that you got there?
Me: (mumbles) nothing..
Psycho Kid: Give us one - NOW.
Me: have em, sniff. (I dump the whole bag on the table and act like I'm about to cry, quickly legging it out the class room.)

Five seconds later I was 10 meters up the corridor looking for somewhere safe when I hear psycho kid shout "SHiiIIT!!" followed by the sound of hard boiled sweets bouncing off a window and much laughing! :-) What a result! I stop to smirk and he runs out of the class room and up the corridor towards me looking red faced and out for blood. I was feeling a bit cocky by this point with the confidence that I'd made him look a total asshat infront of his mates. I figured I may as well go for the nuclear option and have it out with him there and then as well. He got right up in my face, saw I wasn't backing down and then suddenly "realised" that he badly needed the water fountain to save face. i.e. I faced up to him and he completely wussed out. Yay!

For some reason we never got any more hassle after out of that lot. My dad was amused when I told him about my day at school and used the same lemon inferno sherberts a few months later when he found snacks kept on getting stolen from his desk at work.
(OrangeMochaFrappuccino last watched Dexter on, Sun 17 May 2009, 19:52, 2 replies)

Ah, Grasshopper,
you are learning well the ways of the wise fighter.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 17 May 2009, 22:32, closed)

Oh my yes
that one's getting used at work when the sweets start getting nicked again...
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Mon 18 May 2009, 11:03, closed)