Bird vs Bus
It's 7.30am, a beautiful day in fife and i'm standing at the bus stop waiting for the bus to college.

Bus comes on time for a change. I flash my weekly ticket, insert my headphones and settle down for the 7 mile journey.

I'm was sitting quite close to the driver so I got a spectacular view of what happened next. An explosion of blood and feathers hits the windscreen. The driver shouts "fucking hell!" and swerves a little. He manages to pull over and goes outside to inspect the damage.

As he returns to the bus he's looking fairly green round the gills. What had happened is that he'd hit a pigeon which had become lodged in the radiator grill, however, as he tried to tell us all this delightful peice of news he can't quite get it out and instead vomits all over my shoes.

Now regretting my decision to wear open-toed sandals I also vomit on my shoes,(i can't stand to see someone else being sick), which sets the driver off once more. Apologies to anyone who was on board that bus and had to watch the driver and myself tandem vomiting for a good 5 minutes.

Thankfully the driver does have a bottle of water I can rinse my feet with and a plastic bag for my shoes. While he lays sand over the sick, I step off the bus to rinse my feet and am treated to a view of the ex mr birdy who had screwed up my morning. I manage not to be sick again and board the bus once more. Enough dead bird is rinsed from the windshield for us to continue to the depot where a replacement bus is on standby.

As I'm still reeking of vom and in dire need of a shower, the bus driver is nice enough to let me use the phone at the depot to ring the college. I explain what happened to my course head but he decides I'm making it up despite my offer to come in late but stay late to get caught up on what i've missed that morning.

I finally arrive at the college, getting looks ranging from curiosity to disgust. I wander into class barefoot and reeking of vomit, straight up to bastard lecturer and he asks where my shoes are. I open my poly bag with flourish and he starts to look rather green himself but thankfully decides to send me home with the work I was meant to be doing that day.

The bus journey home was uneventful, although everyone sat as far away from me as possible.
(panda_sam, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 18:05, 1 reply)

It's happened to me too
I was in a tent with my friend and we went dueling banjos with vom. It was a veritable equatorial monsoon of vomit before we both oozed out.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 19:45, closed)