“No eeeeeet's for everyone!”
'Twas a dark and drizzly night and I was drunkenly chatting with my mate Pete while waiting a seeming eternity for a night bus in a desolate suburb after a gig in Islington. Out of the mist an 'out of service' night bus came along in the other direction and pulled up at the stop opposite.

Much to our bemusement the driver got out, crossed the road past us and started going through the donations outside a Save The Children charity shop and takes a couple of loads back to the bus where he already appears to have a fair collection of would be charity shop fodder.

Pete asks him if he thinks it's ok to steal from a charity. This goes back and forth for a while with the driver getting increasingly irate when Pete in a moment of drunken emotion points out that “It's for the starving children in Africa!” which was enough to set me off giggling. Where upon the (previously very West Indian sounding bus driver) squeaks the immortal reply:

“No eeeeeet's for everyone!” sounding exactly like Manuel from Fawlty Towers finally reaching the end of his tether.

At this point I'm doubled over with laughter and our bus turns up. The driver follows Pete and I on board remonstrating with him at the top of his voice.

The new driver is looking understandably worried at one of his colleagues being in an argument with a burly drunk and asked me what was going on. The expression on his face was when I explained was priceless.

I really wouldn't have like to have been the thieving driver next time he was on a break with his colleagues.

When I complained to the bus company they came out with the normal line about not being able to identify which driver it was. So I emailed them the photos I'd taken of him in the act [stop sniggering at the back] and suggested if they couldn't identify him from those then the local paper might be willing to help. Funnily enough they didn't have any problem working out who it was after that.

First time – please be gentle.
( ElParrot, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 21:24, 4 replies)

It was my first time too.....
But it all went downhill after Gerry caught me whilst I was getting myself off behind the bookcase (I'm not sure if it was my moans of pleasure that rumbled us, or my uncle's deep breathing as he reached the vinegar strokes whilst listening to me getting myself off

anyway.... they heard something, came up to investigate and the rest is history as they say!

Oh yeah.... there's a reason for me commenting on your post, it wasn't meant to be a lamenting of my past solo sex indescretions, more to say "well done old chap!" for popping your cherry! (shame I never managed to pop mine..... ain't life a bitch!?!?)
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 0:05, closed)

Fucking grass
*click* and welcome
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 2:56, closed)

Love it.
/clicks.
Welcome.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 1 Jul 2009, 3:01, closed)

nice one
too many people simply stand by and do nothing.
(knackerz is skinning up, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 6:43, closed)