My drug paraphernalia
When I got home from a nice kick about in the park one Saturday in the summer, my mum was waiting for me, sat at the table, stern faced with a small item in front of her on the table.

'Sit down, you're father's on his way home. I want to ask first of all is there anything you're doing that you want to tell us about?'

Shit! I'm mentally tallying up everything that I've done as a 15 year old male. It's a bit. Nothing too bad. I'm racking my brains. Drinking? smoking? Weed? Porn!? Shit. I'll bet it's smoking. Fuck. My dad's a vigilant anti smoker...

'Ummm. No. What's up?' I said, eyeing the offending item and taking a seat opposite. Weighing up my options I considered confessing to something and hoping that was it. 'Sorry, but yes most of the phone bill was me looking at smut and wanking into a stupor' didn't seem like a good route to go down... 'let's see how this plays out' I thought.

'I was cleaning your room earlier and found this' She pushed the item towards me, still solemn faced. 'I know you've been smoking drugs, your father and I are both very upset'

Fuck, fuckety-fuck. FUCK! Anything but the weed. Smoking I'll get lectured for, but the weed will see me really fu... Hang on....

'Ermm. What do you think this is mum?'

'It's a hash pipe Scrumpy. I wasn't born yesterday.'

'You mean a kazoo mum....?'

'....... What?'

At this I picked up the 'hash pipe' and walked off, humming 'Crosstown Traffic' (If I was quicker at the time I would have gone for 'Purple Haze').

I heard my dad piss himself about 30 seconds after he came steaming through the front door...
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 17:16, 2 replies)

This reminds me.
My mum came down one day enquiring what the pill was in my room. 'Whats this?' she asked, holding the offending pill in her hand.

'That's asprin, Mum.' I said, and she said 'are you sure?' and threatened to take it. 'Fine.' I said.... Mums.
(mynameisntjonas, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 17:45, closed)

Clickers

(DownhillGardener no-one does it like that anymore, Wed 9 Jun 2010, 9:19, closed)